Sunday, October 11, 2009

Day 11: Zombie Con Day Two: Puppets and Zombies


On Day Two I spent the majority of my day in the Panel Room. Not only was my new BFF Tom Atkins having his own Q & A all to his own self, there were more paranormal stories and yes, even more kissing to be found there.

FILMS:
Unfortunately, I didn't watch one entire film today. I did, however, see a trailer for an upcoming film called The Amateur Monster Movie. All I have for you is their MySpace page which doesn't have the trailer on it yet. The movie was shot in Wisconsin, and looks really funny. Hope to hear more on it soon.




The Landlord: I saw some of the middle of this movie and I wished I could have seen more. But since I can't bi-locate, I had to choose - and I chose a panel over the movie. I'll definitely be watching for it to be released (the website hopes for next year on DVD) because I'd like to see the rest. It's about demons that inhabit an apartment building. And they're HUNGRY.





PANELS:
Wisconsin Paranormal: Another entertaining talk about ghost hunting. Their presentation focused more on how they get started, their procedures, and their experiences. I also stopped and talked to them at their table - very nice people and easy to talk to.

Tom Atkins: I was glad to see Tom get his own Q & A - he was kind of overshadowed at the Zombies Everywhere! panel - since the conversation revolved around Romero films. It was a good time, and I hope to see Tom at more conventions in the future.

Men Behind the Monster: Ari Lehman (Friday the 13th) and Eugene Clark (Land of the Dead). I really enjoyed Eugene - so much so that I stopped at his booth and had him sign my Land of the Dead DVD, and since he was having a fire sale (his words!), I ended up with a signed photo as well. Nice guy with great stories about working on Land. Jonathan Breck (Jeepers Creepers) was supposed to be a part of this too, but he wasn't there.

The Cave - Day of the Dead:
Last panel of the day with Joe Pilato and Gary Klahr. These two have remained good friends since doing Day and have done many cons together - and their camaraderie is apparent on stage. They talked about their experiences doing Day and stayed for after the show photo ops. I hadn't gotten anything signed by Joe - although I do want my copy of Day signed - it has to wait for another time. But I did go up and talk to him and shook his hand, to which he replied, Oh thank you, Sweetheart, and KISSED ME ON BOTH CHEEKS.

Twice.

Freaking Captain Rhodes kissed me FOUR times. Damn. I'm going to start expecting this from now on!

Also talked to Gary briefly - just both of them great guys and so happy to talk to and meet the fans.

Night of the Living Dead Puppet Show:






This was playing at the It Came From Lake Michigan Film Festival two years ago but I didn't get to see it there. I thought I was going to miss it again - and it probably was a large part of the reason I did the second day. I found out today that it was developed for the Lake Mich Festival and played there both years. They also announced after the show that they had just created new puppets and this weekend was their debut.







HYSTERICAL. If you live in Milwaukee, they're going to be doing shows at MOCT (website here -although there's no info on their site - the flyers they handed out said they'd be there Friday, Oct 23rd at 7, Friday Oct 30th at 8, and Sat Oct 31st at 8). The director told me (through his puppet) that they're going to make this a yearly event. If you love NOTLD, you will love this show. It's funny, it's unique and it captures the spirit of the movie completely. Even Joe Pilato (who attended) said that they broke it down to the essentials perfectly and that he had just gotten free inspiration for his upcoming voice portrayal of Harry Cooper (he announced this weekend that he'd just been cast) in the computer animated Night of the Living Dead: Origins.

If you don't live in Milwaukee, you can watch the show online on Youtube here. It's in four parts and it's still funny , but they've added to the show with new props, puppets, and the actors now wear all black and cover their faces so the puppets are more prominent. I also don't think the videos do the show complete justice, but at least you can see it. I can see this gaining momentum and being a cult sensation if they keep doing the show.

Overall - a job well done, ZombieCon! Can't wait for next year!!!!!

Rarrr and smooches,
Mother Firefly

*UPDATE*
Official site of Angry Young Men Ltd (and Night of the Living Dead Puppet show)

watch show here on blip

And Joe Pilato's comments on the show here.

Day 10 Zombie Con Day 1: And Then He Kissed Me


Wow. What a GREAT couple of days. I've seen so much and met so many AWESOME people, I don't know if I can remember them all. But I'm going to try.

I went to Zombie Con on Saturday - and I had planned to start my day with a movie called The Rage. I'm not sure what happened, but I think this film was canceled for whatever reason - and I walked in on the end of a film called It Came From Another World:

I only saw the last ten minutes but right away I knew this was a film I would have enjoyed. It was on par with the film I reviewed the other day - Alien Trespass - in that's it's a tribute to the wonderful B & W sci-fi and horror films of the 50's. Only I would classify this film as a little more tongue and cheek. Later I went into the vendors room to find that the director, Christopher Mimh, has made FOUR films that are all tributes to the same genre! I ended up taking these two home:




I'll be watching and reviewing these later on this week.

Website HERE:




They're also looking for donations for their upcoming film, Destination: Outer Space.
For a mere 50 bucks, you can not only help finance the film, you also can get other cool things such as free copies of the film when it's released, tickets to the premiere, and your name listed as an associate producer in the credits. Check that out HERE.

Then I took a walk around the vendors room. Many of the tables were devoted to films playing at the festival. Unfortunately (and my only real suggestion to improve next year's festival) there weren't many vendors selling memorabilia or movies. There was one artist, a few authors selling their books, and many of the tables were devoted to the independent films that were playing that weekend.

My favorite vendor was this lady: Black Cat Babies. I even bought something:



It's a zombie baby - it's a PURSE!!!!!!!!!!
Too EFF-ing COOL.
She had so many fabulous babies there - unfortunately for my cheap ass (read=grad student) I could not afford them - YET. But I will be watching her website in the future for another adoption. She was wonderful to talk to and explained to me how she makes the dolls and that she will do custom orders. Check out her website above. Right now there's nothing listed as available - she did have about a dozen dolls there for sale - maybe what's left will be posted again now that the show is done.


FILMS:
I didn't have much chance to watch films - I was too busy attending the panels and other presentations. But I did see two shorts: Better Off Undead and Mary's Friend.


Better Off Undead was a zombie short involving a group of three guys and how they deal with the zombie uprising. The best part was the interaction between the three friends, all of which are pretty unprepared to deal with zombies taking over their neighborhood (although one has some drunken aspirations of zombie killing).




Mary's Friend - as I found out at the con - won the Milwaukee Film Festival award for best short. It was very short - four whole minutes - but very creepy. It was narrated in the style of a children's story about a girl named Mary who just wants a friend.




I also saw the end of a film called Deadlands 2 : Trapped. This film looked quite good. The director was at the show also. I can't find a website but the trailer is here. If you like zombie films, I think this one would be worth checking out. What I saw was scary and the quality of the film was very good as well. I'm adding it to my Netflix.




PANELS:
Kenosha Paranormal: Three women from this group (including the founder) talked about their group, some of their experiences, and how to choose equipment for amateur ghost hunting.

Captain Spaulding Show: How I love Sid Haig. The man is so entertaining, I would have gone to listen to him talk about tax shelters. Seems like a lot of people agree with me, since this was the most packed I saw the panel room and I overheard people saying many times throughout the convention that he was who they came to meet and what a great guy he was. I heart the crap out of Sid but I've got a signed photo, a signed copy of Spider Baby, and a signed 24 inch talking Captain Spaulding doll. I did stop and talk to him (to tell him that the commentary with him, Sheri Moon Zombie, and Bill Moseley on Devil's Rejects is my favorite ever and I've listened to it about as many times as I've watched the film) but I didn't get anything else signed - I had a budget and other fish to fry.....but I'll get to that later.

Zombies Everywhere!: A panel with David Emge and Scott Reiniger (Dawn of the Dead), Eugene Clark (Land of the Dead), Joe Pilato and Gary Clark (Day of the Dead), Kyra Schon (Night of the Living Dead), and Tom Atkins (Night of the Creeps).
This was a fun panel - mostly it centered around the Romero films. I've met David and Scott before at Cinema Wasteland a couple of times - they're both terrific and very gracious gentlemen. More on the rest of everyone later.

I also went to the best zombie contest - I had met four kids who came from Illinois and were hoping one of them won so they could go to Olive Garden after the show. Not too many zombies showed up - about 10 - but most of the costumes were pretty good.

One thing I have to say about the crowd at this show - every time I've been to a Con - and I went to Wasteland about four or five times, and It Came From Lake Michigan once - horror genre fans are some of the nicest, greatest people you'll meet ANYWHERE. I may be biased - but the first time I went to Wasteland, I had no idea what to expect. From that show to this one - every single time without fail - people are friendly, polite, and so easy to talk to. Us that love the Scary, we're just good folk. I went to the show alone but I wasn't at a loss for people to talk to. From the Zombie Dolls working the show who accosted me on Sunday, to all the staff who kept asking if I was having a good time and asking for feedback; to all of the fellow attendees - everyone was so approachable and friendly. I was kind of bummed about not having anyone to go with - but I never really felt alone. As the weekend went on, people started to recognize me and acknowledge me - as I saw them do to many people. The show was fairly well attended - I think- but it could do MUCH better. Hopefully it'll grow and grow in the next few years and continue as a yearly tradition.

CELEBS:
Dee Wallace: I'd never met Dee before. When I decided to go to the show, I put her and Tom Atkins as the people that were most important for me to meet. I took my copy of the Howling for Dee to sign. It took me a few tries to time it just right - she must have been taking a break - but finally she was there, and I took my moment.
Wow. This woman is AMAZINGLY beautiful. I always thought she was pretty - but you really have NO idea until you see her in person. And her personality matches. She just gives off an aura that you really have to experience. If you ever attend a con that she is at, even if you don't get her autograph, I'm telling you, TAKE THE TIME to talk to this lady. You won't regret it. I happened to catch her at a slow moment. We talked about The Howling, took a picture, and she asked me what I did for a living (!) When I told her, she asked me about it - and I think she really was interested. I had a moment when I think I left my body because of the sheer surrealness (I'm explaining wound care nursing to ET's MOM!!). Amazing. If nothing else had happened this weekend (but it did...tee hee), this would have been worth the price of admission.

Tom Atkins:
Oh, Tom. Herein lies the biggest reason I wanted to go to this convention. The Fog. Halloween III. Creepshow. Night of the Creeps. Right away when I walked into the Guest Room, I made a beeline for his table. I walked up to him and said, 'You are the reason I came here today!' and he asked me my name, and then he said, so help me God, 'Hi! I'm Tom.'

Oh. It gets BETTER.

I had brought my copy of The Fog, and he signed it (after i told him I'd had a hard time choosing but that was probably my favorite of his films). Then came the photo op, after which I shook his hand and again expressed what a pleasure it was to FINALLY meet him - after which he said, 'You too, sweetheart', and then HUGGED me....and then it happened.

TOM ATKINS FREAKING KISSED ME.

OMG. oh oh OM FREAKING GOD.

I'll never forget the heavenly out of body experience of the famous Atkins mustache grazing my cheek. I have met a LOT of people I've loved, but I've never been kissed by one. Immediately I called my best girl, KK, and told her. This is also proof of how far I've come since I started going to shows. The first time I met Ken Foree, when I walked away, my knees literally KNOCKED. I shit you not. I didn't even think that really happened to people. But I held it together and managed to just almost cry instead when I said to him, OMG You just made my day.

This story would be great enough (and I'm sure based on how friendly I saw Tom with others over the weekend, that he kissed many cheeks - I just had never had that happen before. Although - and I'll explain on Sunday's post - I'm going to start expecting it now!) But I saw Tom three or more times over the course of the weekend, and he never failed to greet me. Once I was in the panel room and as he came in, he stopped, sat down beside me, and asked me how my weekend was going(!). He also said hello (and addressed many others in the room by name!) when he arrived for his Q & A on Sunday, and also pointed at me and asked me to 'ask him a question' during his talk. I had heard that he was an awesome guy, and I just can't reiterate that enough. I've met some wonderful people but he has to be among the most gracious and warm I've ever met.

I ended the day with the zombie contest and when I left, I knew I was going back. Next year I'll definitely get the weekend pass - but - and I feel slightly bad about this - I didn't realize what a great time I'd have.

Oh - and btw, one of my young friends ended up winning the contest! I hope him and his friends enjoyed their pasta last night. Congrats, guys!

Smooooooooooooooch,
Mother Firefly

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Day 10 - Zombie Con



Wow. Such a great day. The post is on its way. But I'm EXHAUSTED.

Me and Zombie Bobble Head Pig stayed up till 4 am (homework) so we could go enjoy ourselves today.

it was awesome - so awesome that I'm going back tomorrow. I had only planned on going one day but I cannot stay away.

Plus - they need our support, Milwaukee!

Get yer butts down there.

(Also - Night of the Living Dead puppet show and the film Dead Snow tomorrow night)

Will blog about all of it later......

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz,
Mother Firefly

PS Tom Atkins Rocks!!!!

Friday, October 9, 2009

Day 9: Zombie Bobble Head Pig


Me and Zombie Bobble Head Pig didn't have time to do any Halloween themed thing today besides a short photo shoot. We were too busy getting homework done so we can enjoy our day tomorrow at this:


Whee!!!! Day 10's post will definitely be late - I'll be talking about my day at the Zombie Con.

Rarr,
Mother Firefly

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Day 8- Plan 9 From Outer Space

Tonight I had the opportunity to attend something I missed a couple of months ago:
An encore presentation of RiffTrax's Plan 9 From Outer Space. RiffTrax is composed of Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy, and Bill Corbett - who used to be part of Mystery Science Theater. I have to admit that I have just a leetle more love in my heart for Joel Hodgson as host of MST3K - although I do very much enjoy the Mike years. Would it be on par with the old MST?


I'm very happy to report that my friend and I thought it was HYSTERICAL. Granted, Plan 9 is a movie that's funny without any additional commentary - but the guys made it even funnier. I also liked that they didn't especially target Ed Wood or disparage him - that's also very easy to do- but the great thing about Ed Wood films is that they are so innocent in their 'badness'.

The presentation consisted of not just the movie but a short called Flying Stewardess (link here) which was on par with the other great shorts that MST 3K used to feature. Other things included a couple of fake ads from 'sponsors' (courtesy of the Something Awful website) and a couple of songs from Johnathan Coulton - the best one being a song sung from a zombie's perspective called 'We Just Want to Eat Your Brains). All of the extra things didn't take away from the show - I suppose they probably wanted to flesh out the show since Plan 9 is only 79 minutes - but given that our friendly neighborhood theater managed to start the movie 20 minutes late - I was kind of anxious for the singing and ads to get over and get the actual movie started.


I've checked out the Riff Trax website before but I've never bought anything. Now I'd be much more likely to buy something and I'd like to get the download for Plan 9 so I can share it with my MST lovin' friends. At 1.99, it's a hell of a deal. Also as part of the show we were given a code to be able to download some extras, one of which was the Stewardess short. I might also be more likely to download riffs on movies that are more along the lines of what MSK3K used to do - even though RiffTrax has downloads for more current movies. I have a hard time getting into a MST treatment of movies like Harry Potter or Iron Man. Also - if you do order from the site, make sure you look carefully - some of the downloads aren't Mike and the fellas - so check out the previews and look to see who's doing the commentary.


Alternatively - if you share the Joel Love - you can also check out Cinematic Titanic.



Joel and other friends from MST 3K have also put together their own new version. They have fewer offerings but from the clips I've seen, they're really good. They include Trace Beaulieu (Dr. Forrester) and Frank (TV's Frank! I ask you, who doesn't love TV's Frank? I still find myself saying 'Push the button, Frank' in situations that call for button pushing. Every once in a blue moon someone actually gets it. Sigh).



Anyway, Cinematic Titanic sells DVDs - as opposed to just the commentary track - and they only have about a half dozen. But I watched every preview and they all made me laugh. They also do live shows throughout the country. Sadly, not in Milwaukee - yet. (I'm waiting, TV's Frank!)
Here's a clip:



Pushing the Button,
Mother Firefly

Day 7 Adopt a Zombie Baby

You know, lately I've been wondering what I'm going to do with all this free time once school is done. Maybe I should use that time to give back - and open my home to another creature in need of a home.

Nope, not another cat. I'm thinking of getting a little brother for this guy.


This isn't MY Baby Stinky - but a close approximation. Ever since I saw him in a Halloween Outlet almost twenty years ago, I knew I had to have him.


I'm thinking of this fella here:


Isn't he a cutie?

Zombie Babies need homes too, folks.

Rarrrr,
Mother Firefly

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Day 6 - Ghost Lab

There's some new ghosthunters in town and they're on the Discovery Channel.

Ghost Lab premiered earlier tonight -
Web site here.

Don't they look like a bad ass team of bouncers instead of ghosthunters?

It was a decent enough show - it has a lot of similarities to Ghost Hunters.
Both shows feature two guys who started doing paranormal research after having experiences of their own that they couldn't explain (but these two are brothers) and they're both all about using science to prove that the paranormal exists. I didn't see these guys debunk any claims tonight - in fact, the show doesn't take a lot of time talking about the history of any place, they just get down to investigating, and they have a HUGE trailer filled with the latest and the greatest ghost hunting equipment.

They may have a bigger budget than my favorite Ghost Hunters, Jay and Grant, but I don't think these guys will ever be as near and dear to my heart as J & G.

For one, I think J & G are just more likeable (although this burly group could grow on me), and I happen to get WAY too much pleasure out of seeing J & G take a TAPS emergency call from the office while fixing someone's leaky sink. It just tickles me to death. Besides, I like knowing that my Ghost Hunters can diagnose weird sounds as just issues with the pipes, fix the toliet, or cook me dinner. (They're both great cooks, I hear).

Based on just one show - which might not be fair - I also probably like Ghost Adventures a little bit better than this one.


Those boys just plain scare me. They are freakin NUTS, getting locked down and running around yelling at spirits. GH freaks me out quite often too. Ghost Lab - I didn't find so creepy even though they found some cool stuff. It's just more ...... scientific and matter of fact. Which is great - I get annoyed with other paranormal shows that can't be bothered to take as much as a temperature reading of the room.

But these guys have all the Really Good Shit and they're dying to use it- Here's a rundown from the site:

With the help of the latest technology, two brothers have uncovered some of the most powerful results in supernatural research to date — including a recording of Civil War soldiers talking. Meet Brad and Barry Klinge, Texas natives who in 2007 founded Everyday Paranormal, an investigation team that has explored more than 70 locations and set a new standard in supernatural research with some of the world’s most sophisticated equipment housed in a decked-out traveling "ghost lab."

Traveling the country, the 24-foot car hauler can provide 200,000 watts of electricity to power audio-, video- and photo-analysis stations; flat-screen televisions; and an interactive touch-screen smart board. The lab houses surveillance video cameras capable of shooting 300 feet away in total darkness with a 180-degree peripheral view; temperature, humidity and dew point data loggers; various digital cameras, including thermal-imaging cameras; audio recorders; and more than 8,000 feet of video cable. This on-site high-tech lab enables investigators to analyze data on the premises in real time, helping them to more narrowly focus their investigations on known hot spots.

Join the Klinge brothers, along with some of the world's foremost specialists in science measurements, as they devise and test cutting-edge theories during their investigations, in Ghost Lab. The all-new series premieres Tuesday, Oct. 6, at 10 p.m. ET/PT.

Jeepers.

I'm looking forward to seeing more - I can never get enough of the ghost huntin', so I say bring it on. Although if I ever have to make a choice between accompanying the Ghost Lab or the original GH on a hunt, I'm going with my plumbers.

Drip-drip,
Mother Firefly

Monday, October 5, 2009

Day 5- Know Your Flu Symptoms!

A friend passed this handy dandy chart along to me today......I don't know the source, but as a health care provider, I always appreciate a reference chart to use during assessment. (You'll probably want to click on it to blow it up)



A-choo,
Mother Firefly

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Milwaukee Film Festival

This post has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with Halloween. But we saw a half dozen films as part of the festival and most of them were good. I already reviewed House of the Devil, but here are the other films I saw - keep an eye out. They're all good pieces of cinema.


Chef's Special

Trailer


$9.99

Website












Big Fan







Website


Precious






Trailer and Info here.






All of these movies are great.

We did see one other film - I wouldn't call it a bad film - but I wouldn't put it on the level of the other films we saw. It was a little uneven at times.

On the other hand - if you always wished someone would make a film about men giving birth to blue florescent fish out of their backsides on account of eating too many experimental self heating cookies -

Well, you're in luck. Someone made a movie for you.

Website here.

Day 4 - Alien Trespass



One thing I love to do during October is revisit the films I grew up with as a kid - the Universal monsters, Hammer, classic 50's sci-fi, the AI Vincent Price/Roger Corman movies.... these films will always be my favorites. Contemporary movies just don't bring out the warm and fuzzy for me the way these films do. But every once in a while, someone makes a film that tries to evoke the past - to recreate the look and feel and good memories of those films that we loved in the first place.

Alien Trespass is NOT a satirical look at classic sci-fi, even though I laughed out loud (in a good way) when I first saw the monster, it's apparent that the people who made this film are very fond of the films that inspired it. Even the monster (as cheap and goofy as he is) is made that way on purpose.

We've got the earnest scientist (Eric McCormack from Will and Grace') who witnesses the 'falling star' and is first on the scene, the teenagers who know the truth but who nobody will believe; the cops who keep getting call after call about 'monsters', and the piles of goo that our monster reduces people to when they get too close. Everyone does a great job, especially McCormack.


I especially thought this scene in the kitchen was delicious - the characters, the clothes and the set made me want to sink my teeth into it:



Why watch a tribute to 50's Sci-fi when we can just watch the movies that inspired it? Because when we watch a movie like Alien Trespass - it illuminates details and aspects of the originals that we might not have noticed before. It allows us to appreciate the movies that inspired it - and then notice those details when we re-watch them.
It's not a terribly exciting film, but it moves along well and it's a good way to to spend a weekend afternoon.

Website HERE.

Day 3 -Poultrygeist

I'm not sure this is so much a recommendation ......... but if you're looking for a movie that :
  • crosses every boundary of good taste that you can think of
  • features every bodily fluid that you can think of (and some you haven't)
  • takes place in a fast food restaurant
  • has lots of boobies
  • features a talking sloppy joe
  • has a solid half hour of chicken zombie fighting
  • and oh yeah, it's a musical.
Then you might want to check this Troma film out:


God Bless Lloyd Kaufman.

Bawk - bawk,
Mother Firefly

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Day 3 - Mmmmm Coffee

I had a late night, my friends. Actually, I've had two very late nights. On both of them I sat down, wrote and posted my Halloween blog, and then burned the midnight oil writing my paper for my clinical project. It's basically a thesis - but the process is a little different. And this has been the focus of the last year of my life (along with clinicals, electives, being a TA, and so forth). I don't discuss it much on my blog because sometimes it's hard to find time to do this - and when I do get to do it, I want to talk about fun spooky stuff and not the daily grind of clinicals, deadlines, and papers.
And now that this journey of three years is winding down, it gets harder every day to make myself work on this stuff. You'd think it'd be easier because it's soooo close to being over - but it's just not. I'd rather sack out on the couch with the stereo cats and watch Ghosthunters. Or Destination Truth. Or even Toddlers and Tiaras, for crying out loud. ANYTHING to avoid writing that paper.



But this week I decided it was time to get this party started and I made myself just sit down and do it. While it's the third draft of some sections (and approximately a third of the paper is probably in its final form) two thirds of it may or will need revisions. I predict it will come back to me .................let me consult my third eye..............two! two! my money's on two! more times. For me - the hardest part is just getting it on paper. Once I get that much done, then revisions aren't so bad.

So today I'm celebrating - the first draft is COMPLETELY finished. Tomorrow I will proof it and send it on its way. I'm going to watch a spooky movie - that I'll review later on today - and then this afternoon Papa Cash and I are going to take in a couple of more selections in the Milwaukee Film Festival. With a visit to Pizza Man! inbetween. (Dumb name, GREAT food).

Oh, did I mention there's actually a Halloween- related post hidden in here somewhere? I mentioned my nights were late - Friday am till 630 am and Saturday am till 5 am - I am in dire need of COFFEE this morning? late morning? early afternoon? Whatever......

Here's one of my favorite ways to drink it in October..........




He's happy the first draft is over with as well. He's not the easiest thing to drink from - those pumpkin edges make things tricky - but he's by far the most fun. Look at that little face. How can you not be happy when you're drinking out of this??

Love,
Mother Firefly

Friday, October 2, 2009

Day 2 - Helpful Halloween Tips

I came across this list a couple of months ago while I was cleaning up my email. I'm not sure where it came from, but I thought it was fun.


Keep in mind for Halloween, it is worthwhile to remember a few
simple rules to help keep this season healthy, happy and SAFE!!
Please use these helpful hints this and every year.





1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to
see if it's really dead.





2. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.






3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone
out.



4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language
which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you
a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take
several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to
kids who speak with somebody else's voice.




5. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go
alone.






6. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.




7. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would
apply to any other house of the dead as well.





8. If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and
find out that it's just the cat, GET THE HECK OUT!




9. If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for
short circuits, just get out.





10. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.




11. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good
reason for it. Don't stop and look around.




12. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure
you know what you're doing.






13. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down
at least twice, more if you are female. Also note that, despite the
fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along,
it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.






14. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic
behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes,
increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.




15. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are
listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in
trouble if you recognize this one), anywhere in Texas where
chainsaws are sold, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.




16. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go
to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. If you think
that it is strange you ran out of gas because you thought you had
most of a tank, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway,
and most likely be eaten.


17. Beware of strangers bearing tools. For example: chainsaws,
staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines,
lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any
devices made from deceased companions.




18. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the
time to move in with the in-laws. This also applies to houses that
had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in
some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic
practices.





19. Dress appropriately. When investigating a noise downstairs in an
old house, women should not wear a flimsy negligee. And carry a
flashlight, not a candle.




20. Do not mention the names of demons around open flames, as these
can flare suddenly. Be especially careful of fireplaces in this
regard.




22. Do not go looking for witches in the countryside.... you might
find us!

Mother F.