Alligator People

It's true, some mornings I wake up wanting nothing else but to watch a movie with a guy in a goofy monster costume. And I want the other people in the movie to take the goofy monster guy deadly serious. And then I want the whole thing to be in black and white.

Thankfully, I had something in the Firefly library that fit the bill:




Our story starts out with a doctor and his nurse, Jane, played by Beverly Garland. Jane's been helping her boss out with some experiments in memory. Because of course, as nurses, our first and foremost responsibility is to let doctors experiment on us. It's the first thing you learn in nursing school.

Well, Doc has discovered that Jane has all kinds of craziness in that pretty little head of hers.
Under the influence of some unnamed drug, Jane spills the beans. She claims she has a different name (Joyce) and that she married some dude named Paul and everything was rosy:

They're celebrating, opening congratulatory telegrams, and reminiscing about the accident that Paul was in a while back......that crazy plane crash where he broke all his bones and was all messed up and stuff? The one that he healed up from without so much as a scar? That shit be so crazy!

Oh yeah, that one.....


Suddenly Paul opens a telegram that seems to upset him, and the next thing we know, he's getting off the train at the next stop- and hubby ain't getting back on.


Well, our dear Jane/Joyce is not one to be stopped and manages to find an old address of her husband's - and of course, it's in the Bayou.

And of course, Lon Chaney, Jr. is there. Because well, why wouldn't he be?


This lady and her matronly bosom wholeheartedly deny any knowledge of a man named Paul:


But she lets Jane/Joyce stay the night anyway.

But somewhere else strange goings on are a'brewing......people all wrapped up like mummies and making gurgly noises.

Is it just me or does this remind you of Jiffy Pop too?


Lest you think that Alligator People is all silliness and no substance, take a look at this shot with its beautiful shadows and lighting:

Yum.

Well, eventually Paul makes an appearance, and Baby ain't lookin' too pretty. And he's also developed a deep, froggy voice.

Hello my baby, hello my honey........



At first Paul plays the 'Don't look at me! I'm horrible, I tell you, HORRIBLE!!!!' card, and runs away.

But Jane/Joyce will not be dissuaded, and chases after Paul into the swamp. This is a part of the movie I really wish I could show you, because it's at once hilarious and scary at the same time. Of course the run through the swamp involve scary creatures, and the first is a reject from The Jungle Cruise at Disney World. You can almost hear the springs creak when its mouth opens and closes.

The next, however, appears to be all too real, and Beverly Garland is literally inches away while the alligator twists and snaps around. And Miss Garland, to her credit, doesn't seem like she even sees the thing. Since we didn't have CGI back in 1959 (thank GOD), I assume if it looks real, it is real.

Back to our film:
So here's the deal. Remember the horrible accident? This crazy doctor injected Paul with reptile hormones (because since a lizard can grow its tail back - that means that lizard hormones will make people rejenerate, right? Makes perfect sense to me!

Whatchoo talking bout, Willis?


And then the doctor explains all this by hooking up a gator to a table and shining a shiny light on it. Because..............of course you would.

Dude, when you shine this bright flashlight at the back of its skull, the light totally comes out of his mouth!


So Mom, Doc, Gator Guy, and Jane/Joyce all decide that the only thing that can be done now is to shine the shiny light on Paul.



Because hot, bright light calms reptiles down. And that will fix his little alligator problem.

Or not.


All well-dressed Alligator Men wear dockers:


Somehow I think this relationship has went as far as it can go:

But we're going to do the requisite run/chase thing through the bayou anyway.


OMG can it be??????????????????
Mmmmm Hmmmm, it's one of the devices of death that we hold near and dear to our little black hearts here at the Firefly Ranch:
QUICKSAND!!!!!!


And that's the end of that.

We return to the two doctors who are discussing Jane's case and debating whether or not to tell her the crazy story that she's apparently repressing. In the end they decide, nah, what's the point of upsetting her?

Better living through denial......ain't it pretty, people?


And ta-da:


I miss when movies used to say 'The End'. I know it's kind of redundant and all, but it makes me all tingly when I see it. Especially when the filmmakers do something really hokey like add a ? to it, or some phrase like 'Or Is It?'. I'm easy, I know.

So, Yay! For goofy rubber monster suits smothered in black and white. Alligator People is one of the better types of movies of its time, and if you're not familiar with horror/sci-fi films from the 50's, there are worse places you can start.

Rarr,
Mother Firefly

Blu-Ray Saturday

Mama F had a VERY productive Saturday. Not only did I watch both playoff games, went downtown with Papa C to check out a new display of candid Bob Marley photos at a local gallery, I also watched not one, but TWO movies.

I started off my day early, since now that I'm a working woman, I can't seem to sleep past nine am anymore. (THE HORROR!) So I made breakfast, got a blanket, grabbed cats for strategic cuddling purposes, and popped in.....Snow White.



Before you go thinking I've gone all soft and sweet (and believe me, there's as much of a chance of that as there was of the Lions making it to the playoffs ....Shazam!), think back to the last time you actually watched Snow White. I mean, really watched it.

I was struck by two things yesterday. One, with the Blu-Ray, I found myself totally entranced by the watercolor backgrounds in the movie. I don't know the last time I watched an animated film and paid so much attention to the freaking background. Wow. The artist in me was transfixed.

I also realized yesterday that Snow White is - well, kinda scary. I mean, think about it - we have an evil queen/witch that wants SW dead. And I mean dead. Not banished, not locked up in some dungeon, but cut-out-her-heart-and-bring-it-to-me dead. And when that doesn't work, well, she just whips up a poison apple and takes it to Snow to get the deed done herself. Add the panicked run through the scary forest and having your corpse displayed in a freakin' glass casket because 7 little old men can't bear the thought of putting you in the ground, not to mention coming back from the dead (!)and you're got yourself one creepy little story.

Then we have the 'romantic' moment when the Prince wakes Snow with 'love's first kiss'....but instead of feeling all warm and tingly, all my warped little mind can think is, how long has she been in that casket anyway?

Annnnyyyyway.............
Let's turn our attention to my second movie of the day, which is an actual horror movie. And that would be....
John Carpenter's The Thing.


Watching The Thing was a similar experience to watching Children of the Corn for me, in that I haven't seen it since it came out, and I've never owned a copy of it. Although it's different from COTC in that I only remember seeing it once. I'm not sure why - I remembered liking it, and Kurt Russell's in it.

I like me some Kurt Russell. To me, he's dependable and reliable - in short, Kurt Russell gets the job done. When I find out that he's in a movie, I know that at least one thing will be true - Kurt will be good and even if the plot is boring or I hate everyone else in it, at least I'll buy what he's selling.

Plus - go IMDB this guy sometime. He started working in television 1957 when he was six years old, and he hasn't stopped since. He did TV shows like Gilligan's Island, Lost in Space, and The Fugitive. He did a slew of goofy Disney films like The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes and Now You See Him, Now You Don't. For most child actors, their career stops once they become old enough to vote.

But not The Kurt. Not only did he manage to keep working, the guy has a slew of kick ass movies to his name. Tombstone. Escape From New York. Big Trouble in Little China. Fuck, the guy even played Elvis, for crying out loud.

That is why I have much love and give mad props to the guy - not only does he have a Hollywood career that has spanned over 50 years, he's managed to make a lot of good stuff along the way. I also declared that Kurt Russell was a national treasure during a spirited (and alcohol-fueled, I'm sure) discussion with Papa Cash while we were in Jamaica. (I won that argument hands down, btw. You do not want to take me to a tropical location, get me drunk, and wonder out loud what the big deal is about The Kurt. Oh no, my friend, trust me, You. Do. Not. Want. )

Back to our regularly scheduled program.....

So, The Thing. It's a great movie. I know this, you know this. And now I know exactly why I haven't watched this movie in over 20 years. It's really, really.......unsettling.
Yeah, right, like NO DER, right? But I'm not talking about the special effects, not knowing who might be infected with The Thing, and who might not be, or even the idea of being isolated in Antartica without even so much as a radio.

No, I'm talking about the overwhelming and enveloping feeling that these fellas are DOOMED. From the first moment the movie starts and we start to become introduced to this crew of fellas (yes, all boys, back in 1982, us girls weren't allowed yet to be around metal equipment and go on expeditions and things), we know absolutely 100% in our hearts that things are not going to go well for these guys. We don't even know what it is - but we know it's not going to be pretty. There's not even one moment of real hope - anytime you find yourself wondering if they'll get out okay, you just know. Nope. Ain't gonna happen. And yet you still find yourself watching, waiting, wondering.

I definitely won't be waiting another 20 years to watch The Thing again - it's just too good to ignore again for that long. Not only do we have The Kurt rocking the Michael Landon hair look, we have tons of juicy, slimy special effects from back in the day when peeps ACTUALLY FREAKIN' BUILT THINGS WITH THEIR HANDS. And covered them with goop. And put motors and stuff in them to make them move.


Another thing that made the movie interesting was watching the movie with Papa C. I generally watch most horror movies alone - especially the older ones- but he watched this one with me, and like most times this happens, I'm treated to interesting questions and comments throughout.

Like these:

While the dog is walking about the barracks, or compound, or whatever you want to call it:
"Is the dog the bad guy in this movie, or what?'

And, out of the blue, at some point after the Norwegians are killed:
'I know why you wanted to watch this.'
Me: "Why?"
PC: In your eyes, Kurt Russell can do no wrong'.

I guess he wasn't that drunk in Jamaica after all.
-Mother Firefly

PS I found out later, via Cavalcade of Perversions, that I watched The Thing on John Carpenter's Bday!

It's Award Time!!!!!

The Kreativ Blogger award comes with a list of things to accomplish, some of which I've done, and a couple more that I'm going to do right now.

To begin with:
1. Thank the person who nominated you for this award.

2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog.

3. Link to the person who nominated you for this award.

I already did these, but just for the hell of it, I"ll do them again.

My award came from Emily at The Deadly Doll's House of Horror Nonsense.
If you aren't already, start reading it pronto, Tonto.
I mean it.
Her blog is all kinds of cool. She would also be on my list of the people to give it to, if she hadn't already had given it to me. Because she definitely fits in with my list of recipients, as you'll soon see.


4. Name 7 things about yourself that people might find interesting.

1. I kissed Wayne Newton.

Loyal readers will already know that I managed to get lip contact from Tom Atkins AND Joe Pilato in the same weekend last October. But what you didn't know is that my first celebrity lip lock happened several years ago in good old Flint, Michigan.

My mom (in addition to being responsible for my addiction to all things scary) is also a HUGE Wayne Newton fan. I've seen him perform three times with her. On the last occasion, women were approaching the stage in droves to either give him flowers and/or kiss him. Now, this was many years ago, before we had all this germphobia and various flus, and the Big Fig Newton was planting his smackeroos directly on the lips. Oh yeah, you go, Big Wayne. (I'd bet five bucks that this practice has long since stopped)

So I thought, damn, what my mom needs is to go up there - because that would be like a dream come true, right? But despite my suggestions and begging, all she would do is sit and shake her head back and forth. I really thought that she just needed a little more cajoling and that if I stood up and started walking towards the stage, she'd follow.

Guess again. Once at the stage, I turned around to find myself not only sans Mom, but with Big Wayne looming over me. Hey, when in Rome, you know? So I got my kiss and I also managed to ask him to say hi to my shy mom sitting in the audience.

He dedicated the next song to her.


2. My knees literally knocked the first time I met Ken Foree.

Did you know that was even possible? I thought it was just an expression for the first 30 years of my life.

Till I met Peter from Dawn of the Dead and had my picture taken with him, walked away, and almost hit the floor. It hasn't happened since - at any time - so I guess it took the power of the Foree to set it in motion. Shazam, Baby!!!


3. I'm a sucker for musicals.

Yes, in addition to loving the scary, I'm a huge mark for musical Broadway type theater. I've seen a lot of live theater since I moved to Milwaukee with some of my favorites being: Avenue Q, Spamalot, Rent, Phantom of the Opera, and Lion King.

I like some movie musicals, but put on any live show with people singing and I'll probably want to be there.

Except for Chorus Line. Which sucks balls.

4. I can handle weird, intense smells.

I discovered this last summer during school when an instructor pointed out that the odor in the room was that of dead flesh. To which my reaction was, 'Huh. So that's what dead flesh smells like.'

On the other hand, I cannot tolerate snot or mucus in any form. Go ahead and decompose in front of me, but hawk a loogie on me and I'll get the dry heaves.

5. I love the playoffs.

I originally planned on writing this post yesterday, but I watched football all day and night and then I passed out in my chair. Yeah. I live large, baby.

6. I like to do art.

My art life has largely been on hold for the last three years, but I'm getting back into it now. My media are graphite and watercolor, and I mainly do portraits. I used to teach portrait drawing, but I had to quit when it didn't fit into my schedule anymore. For the last six months I've mainly been working on pet watercolor portraits.


7. I've seen all the Universal monster films on the big screen.

We used to have a kick ass theater in this town (actually, the theater still exists, but management has changed) and I had the opportunity to see the original Dracula, Frankenstein, Wolfman, and Creature of the Black Lagoon (in 3-D!), plus many of their sequels in a real live actual movie theater. I also saw many other classics such as King Kong, Nosferatu, Freaks, Night of the Living Dead, Phantom of the Opera, and House of Wax (also in 3-D).

I'd seen all those movies several times before that, but getting to see those on the big screen was an opportunity I may never get again. I'm sad to see the theater change focus, but they're still around, and hopefully one day they'll play some things like this again.


5. Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers.

6. Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.

7. Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they have been nominated.


Since my award came from one of my favorite horror blogs that happens to also be written by a chick,
My list of 7 Kreativ Bloggers has a theme :

My Other Favorite Horror Blogs Written By the Ladies.

Because my little black heart has been emboldened since joining the blog community and finding all these other women that love the scary. (BTW, why aren't we taking over the planet, ladies???) You see, since I moved to Milwaukee 7 years ago, and away from my friends who also love spooky things, I've been kind of alone in my obsession with horror. So before I start my list, I'd just like to say a big THANKS to all of the women on my list (and the one who gave me the award). Here's to another great year of blogs filled with more macabre goodness.

1. Killer Kittens From Beyond the Grave

Kitty LeClaw was the first female horror blogger that I discovered, and she's still among my most favorites. She's got a great mix of horror reviews, horror comics, and the occasional biography. In the last year, I've discovered many other women that also love the scary (and rock a great blog), but to me, Kitty is the gold standard that I still aspire to.

2. Doo Wacka Doodles

Art so yummy and delicious I want to eat it for breakfast. Or maybe just frame it and worship it every day. Go, look, and drool.
Plus, she recently did a piece honoring The Vampire Lovers. Which of course, features my longtime love, Ingrid Pitt.
Lady, where are your prints for sale??? Do Want.

3. All Eyes and Ears

Wonderful photography by Dane along with song suggestions to complement the whole experience.

Fix yourself a nice beverage of your choosing, put your feet up, and enjoy.

4. Reanimated Rags

To quote from her site:
Originator and Custodian of First and Only Ever "Lifestyle and Undead-style Blog" in the History of Time. (She thinks)

I think she may be right. She's only been around since last September, but she sells vintage clothes on Etsy, models them dressed as a zombie, and thinks Boris Karloff is hot.
My kind of lady. Mama F says check her out.

5. Calvalcade of Perversions

Horror movies, cats, and wine. I have a hard time of thinking of three things I love more. Thankfully we have Jenn's blog that celebrates all three, and in a funky, fun to read style.
Plus, she blogged about Andy Milligan's films once. Neato!

6.Zombie Cupcake

You should already be in love with this blog based on the title alone.
You can go lots of places and read horror reviews, but Ms. Finlay has her own unique spin on things. Even if it's a film I've read twenty other reviews on, I always appreciate her perspective.
Also another Final Girl Film Clubber!


7. Project Blue

Last, but certainly not least. And it's also where I deviate from my list. Full disclosure - it's written by my brother. But since he's the one who's responsible for this blog -since he harassed me into starting it - he also paved the way for me to discover the great women on my list.

Back then, he was blogging more than me - but now the tides have turned. I'm hoping bestowing this award on him lights a fire under his you-know-what, so I can start reading his blog again.

In the meantime, check out his old posts and maybe leave him a nice note asking for more.

Love,
Mama F.

PS
Wayne Newton's lips are pillowy soft, man.
No lie.

Yay!

Holy Crap.

Imagine my surprise today when I logged on to find that the Firefly Ranch has been bestowed with an award:


This award comes to me courtesy of Emily from The Deadly Doll's House of Horror Nonsense. Are you reading this blog? If you're not, then you should be. Starting NOW. Emily is an amazing writer and doesn't just write funny, intelligent reviews of horror films, she stands out from the blogger crowd with her own unique personal spin on horror films with her 'Lessons Learned' section and ultimately breaking movies down with her 'Rent/Buy/Bury' section. It's a great read, and I'm honored to receive this from her. Women that love the Scary have been ignored for too long, and I'm thrilled to see so many great horror blogs written by the ladies. And trust me, Emily is among the best of the best.

I have some responsibilities that come along with my award, and I'll be fulfilling those as the work week winds down.

In the meantime, take the time to check out The Deadly Doll's House of Horror Nonsense, and leave her some comments telling her how much she rocks.

Thanks again, Emily. You made my day.

-Mother Firefly

Killer Bunnies

If you, like myself, are old enough to be....well, of a 'certain age'.....you may have also grown up with three channels (sometimes four if the wind was blowing the right direction and you could convince your brother to stand next to the TV with one hand on the bunny ears and one foot off the ground), and changing the channel meant also turning the big dial on the floor behind the TV and waiting for the antenna on the roof to turn and listening to the whirr -whirr -whirr sound.......

If any (or all of it) sounds familiar, than you may also be familiar with something else that's also went extinct along with the above mentioned fossils.

I'm talking about the 4 o'clock movie.

Or 5 o'clock, or 6, or whenever. Back in the days when Donahue was the only talk show host (OMG I am REALLY dating the shit out of myself now), local TV stations used to fill Monday through Friday afternoons with movies. And more often than not, those movies ran in themes.

We had Planet of the Apes week, Godzilla week, Elvis week.......and every once in a while, we'd have Killer Animals Week. Yeah, now you can tune into Discovery channel for Shark Week and watch the real thing do well, shark things......but back in the days of three channels, we had movies with killer rats, bees, locusts, and frogs.

And while I can't be sure whether or not this particular film ever made any of the 4 o'clock Killer Animals movies, it's tailor made to fit in with those others.

I'm talking about, of course,
NIGHT OF THE LEPUS.

And yes, as the title of my post would suggest, Night of the Lepus is jam packed with...
Giant Mutant Killer Bunny Rabbits.

Do I really need to review this movie? At this point, you're either rolling your eyes contemplating the crapdom of such a storyline, or you're all, WHERE do I sign up to see such FABULOUSNESS such as this????

If you are in the latter group, then come along, friend, and let me take you on a tour of highlights of the deliciousness that is Night of the Lepus:

SPECIAL REPORTS that warn us of the terrible, terrible things that rabbits can do if left to their own devices:


I'm pretty sure Bugs Bunny fought during this:


Take the time to read the part at the bottom:
Yeah. It was an actual BOOK first.

Haircuts provided on the set by the Robert Goulet Traveling Barbershop:


Hey, let's get that new 'young couple' that's in town to come and fix our bunny rabbit problem!

Of course, by 'young', I mean 'AARP card carrying', and by 'fix', I mean 'create behemoth killer rabbits'


Let me take the time to explain how our scientific experiment works so you can screw it up real good:

Just like that.


Hell hath no fury like.....
mutant rabbits on a lettuce bender.

One broken mannequin leg + 3M Dawn of the Dead type blood = AWESOME.

God, I miss hot rollers.

Gimme some carrots, BITCH!!

Bunny Stampede in the mine!

Bunny Stampede on the ranch!
God help you if you see THIS in your rear view mirror:

When Bunnies Attack!!
Callin' in the big guns:
Dead Lepuses : (okay, use your imagination)

Everything must be okay now:

Or not.
God bless the 4'oclock movies.

-Mother Firefly