RAVENOUS!!!!!!

Last Sunday I really wanted nothing more than to kick back and relax before I had to get back to my weekly grind of, well, my weekly grind. So what better way than to pass a Sunday afternoon than a good old fashioned movie about two subjects that everyone loves: A) The Mexican - American War; and B) Cannibalism!

Throw in Guy Pearce and Robert Carlyle (throwing down some of the creepiest moves ever to be caught on celluloid), a shitload of the red stuff, and you've got 100 minutes that have to contain at least one scene that will either make you feel like your lunch is going to come up; or have you questioning that decision to make sloppy joes for supper. (And yeah, before you ask, that's EXACTLY what was simmering away on the stove on this particular Sunday)

Ravenous was one of those little hidden gem movies - I watched it because I worked in a video store; and in those days, I watched things just because they existed and they were free. (What happened to all that free time? anyway.....)

I was so blown away by Ravenous - the freaky-ASS score, the story, and whatever-the-hell-Robert-Carlyle-is-doing-outside-the-cave-with-his-crazy-man-on-acid-moves (and honestly, nobody has scared me more just by digging in the dirt) - that I pushed this movie on everyone around me, and probably ended up seeing it myself a half dozen times.

I didn't own a copy till a few years ago - pretty sure it was a gift from the BFF, KK - and despite thinking of the movie often and genuinely wanting to see it again - I just haven't.

I think the more time that went by - and therefore the less I remembered about it, other than that I loved it - which made me want to rewatch it even more - but I think that since I couldn't remember it that well - I also became more apprehensive about watching it. Just what was it about the movie that a)freaked me out so much and b)made me rave about it so much.

What I found was this:
1) I never forgot that I thought the score was beyond creepy; and as soon as that bing-bing-bing crap started, I was all 'OH CRIPES THERE IT IS'
2) I actually remembered the entire first half of the movie
and
3) It was just that I forgot the whole second half.

Which was actually a good thing, because once the first half was over, (besides Robert Carlyle doing his Creepy McCreeperson Dance), I was kind of wondering why I liked the movie so much years ago. Then in the second half - in my opinion- things REALLY get interesting. Throw in a little Native American legend for good measure, and let the Freakiness fly.

-Mother Firefly

How Long Do You Have?

Thanks to Miss Mandy for sending me this!!!

Created by Oatmeal

TENTACLES!!!! (1977) or, Killer Whales Will Lay an Octopus OUT!

It's the weekend and everybody knows that there's no better way your old Ma loves to relax than by watching a Mutant Killer Animal movie.

This time however, it's time to move from land into the water and get into the horror that is....

TENTACLES.

Tentacles comes to us all the way from 1977 and is another Samuel Z Arkoff presentation, which is He Who What Brung You Empire of the Ants.

Tentacles and Empire of the Ants are both actually on the same MGM Midnite Movies disc, but for my money, Tentacles is the more fun of the two. It has more action, more interesting characters, and people actually try to save their own lives when attacked by the monster! Crazy!

We also start our film with a little PSA showing us what could happen when you leave your kids unattended with a mutant killer octopus around:




Let that be a lesson to you, people!

Tentacles is also the movie that inspired a trip down my TV memory lane.

The 70's are a decade that never fail to amaze me - and by that I mean by the level of cheese produced by the film and television industry. However, I am a fan of cheese - especially when it's been aged by about 30 years. I grew up during the 70's, but since I was born just before they started (literally - by days) a lot of my memories of that time is fuzzy around the edge. But give me a nudge in the right direction (like this classic of a film did) and it tends to knock the dust of other memories of things I do remember enjoying back then (and thought I couldn't live without).

The cast is pure 70's goodness. For instance, we have John Huston as the crack reporter, and Claude Akins (!) as the sheriff.
Claude Akins was the John Saxon of the 70's. Which means, pretty much every time you see him on screen, he's playing a cop of some kind. And it also means every time I see him, I'm going to yell out 'Sheriff Lobo!' to nobody in particular.




Which was a spin off from this show (sadly, Sheriff Lobo is NOT found in the opening credits)



And to borrow a quote from the great Barry White, not 'nothin' and nobody could keep me away' from my BJ and the Bear as a kid.

BTW....Now all I can think of when I watch this (and I haven't seen it since the show was on) is how much that f**king cab must REEK of monkey shit. I mean, think about the last time you went to the zoo and visited the primate building - seriously, HOW DID THIS MAN EVER GET ANY CHICKS???? Which is exactly what he did, was hook up with a new female every episode.....all of which, of course, loved the monkey. First thing BJ probably did was get them to change the damn monkey's diaper. Good Times!!! No wonder he had a new woman in every episode, who's going to hook up for a long term relationship with a stinky trucker who lives in a poop filled 18 wheeler and makes you change his monkey's diapers?

Back to the film....
We also have Shelley Winters and we even have Henry Fonda.....who phones in his small part:

literally.


I'd like to sum up what makes this movie so much fun using a new segment we've developed here at the Firefly Ranch. A little segment I like to call :
Ah, The 70's!

Where I point out features of this movie that could only exist in the 70's and nowhere else.

Here we go:

Ah, The 70's!
1. Where THIS guy can be the EXPERT on life in the sea:


This would be Bo Hopkins, who's pretty much the 70's version of Matthew McConaughey. Which is a pretty good trick, considering that Matthew McConaughey is pretty much already the 70's version of Matthew McConaughey.

But don't underestimate Bo Hopkins, he's got a pair of these and he's so NOT afraid to use them:


(Think I'm kidding, don't you?)


2. Where Shelley Winters and John Huston can be siblings.....and Shelley can be the hot mama who seduces a new man every night and tells her brother about her recent conquests the next morning:


3. Where THIS is what you wear to take your kid on an outing and five bucks to enter your kid in a sailboat race is highway robbery:


4. Where only CRAZY-ASSES put sunscreen on their kids!!

So, anyway, here's the plot:
Killer. Giant. Octopus.
Not scared?
Well, listen to this:

Boom, Baby!

And behold:


The octopus also manages to put a damper on the race:
Shit, what is a small oceanside town to do?
Well, thank our lucky stars, we've got not only an EXPERT oceanographer in our midst:
(Apparently a graduate of the Dean Stockwell School of Facial Expressions):



But also he's a Bona Fide Killer Shark Whisperer as well!


So well, apparently, that all he has to do is just ask the Killer Sharks reeeeeeeeel nice like.......

Apparently buttering up your killer whales with a few compliments doesn't hurt either:

And Killer Whales will GLADLY lay the smackdown for you:
That's a killer whale laying the smackdown on an octopus, btw.

And all's well that ends well, apparently.
Only one thing left to do....
Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

-Mother Firefly

The Zombies Are Coming and They Are PISSED

Or, the post where I divulge that there is actually an aspect of zombie infiltration that even I have never considered.

More on that in a second.

Last week, I had the chance to FINALLY check out Dead Snow. Even though it just came out on DVD and Blu-Ray, it seems that everyone in the blogosphere has seen it already. I did have the chance to check it out at Zombie Con last October, but it'd been a long day and I probably needed to get home and take my Geritol or something.

Which is too bad, because watching this with a group of like minded lovers of horror would have been fun. Liberal amounts of alcohol wouldn't have hurt either.

The first thing that struck me about Dead Snow was what I referred to earlier: Never in all my years of considering what might happen if I was in the middle of a zombie apocalypse have I ever once thought about this: How do you run from a zombie in knee-deep snow?

Fuuuuuuuuuuuck.

I found some genuinely scary moments in Dead Snow, and the image of a woman trying to run from zombies in deep snow was among the best. Not only did Dead Snow manage to give me some real thrills, it also takes zombies in a new direction that I don't believe I've seen before: these zombies will take a brotha DOWN with a punch. Maybe the zombies ate these people at some point, but the movie doesn't focus on that. No, the zombies are hunting them because they can, because they're dead and they're bad and they're all really kind of angry and merciless about it.

And I'm not lying about the punching part.

Dead Snow seems at first to be filled with the standard sort of cliched characters, but as the movie unfolds, reveals itself instead to have characters who have more resources and wits about them and respond to the situation in interesting and unique ways.

Also, we finally have someone who actually knows a thing or two about zombies for once - which always bothers me about zombie movies set in modern times - how is it that NOBODY in the movie has ever seen a zombie film and doesn't know the basics like shooting them in the head, getting bit is bad news, etc. But why does the guy who loves horror movies have to be the weird, nerdy, chubby one? Just sayin'.

First time I've been genuinely on the edge of my seat since Paranormal Activity last fall. Mama like.

-Mother Firefly

CREEPSHOW! (1982)

Creepshow is not only one of my favorite movies of all time, it's also associated (for me) with the time in my life when something absolutely WONDERFUL and perfect came into my early teen years.....VHS. As you may all remember, I grew up in a time of three (!) whole channels, and also in a time of when theatrical movies showing on TV was a big deal. We also weren't able to record them, so if you wanted to see a movie, you had to a)actually go to the theater, or b) wait a year or two (I don't even know how long it took for a theatrical movie to make it to broadcast TV) and then you better actually be at HOME when it was on.

I also lived in the middle of BUTT-FREAKING-NOWHERE, where cable wasn't even an option. At some point my grandparents were able to get a box with ON Television (anyone else remember this relic of pay TV?), and that was such a big deal that we'd make a special trip to watch some movies at their house. ON Tv actually introduced me to many classic horror films such as The Howling, Friday the 13th, Hammer House of Horror (the TV show), and a slew of slasher films from the late 70s and early 80s. But even then, getting to see those movies involved scheduling, begging, and then when I did get to actually see the movie, a certain amount of hiding under a blanket/pillow/my hands was involved. Sometimes, like with Friday the 13th, I was SO freaked out the first time I watched it (unfortunately people had spoiled the ending for me and I knew what was coming) I had to leave the room before it was over.

So long story short, even with being raised on horror films, and loving them, I was still afraid of them. But I loved it. And ON TV was my first introduction to current horror films of that time. So when the idea of VHS came along, with the idea that you could just go to a place, actually pick out movies and bring them home to watch (as many times as you wanted to!), I didn't think there could be much more of a reason to be alive. (the first time I walked into a real actual video store, I think I almost hyperventilated - the memory is just a swirl of colors and words and an overwhelming feeling of not being able to take it all in)

The first few times we rented movies, we also had to rent the machine. I think we rented machines until my mom opened her video store, so we'd get a machine and a bunch of movies for like a weekend or something. I don't know how Creepshow made it into my home - I'm pretty sure I had seen the ads on TV and wanted to see it - and I certainly knew who Stephen King was by that time and had read his books. But I do know, after I saw it that first time, my request for a movie every time we rented a machine was the same. Creepshow. Creepshow, Creepshow, Creepshow. Couldn't get enough of it. Even a few years later when my mom opened her store, and I worked on Saturdays, I'd always put in Creepshow at noon when the store opened and I'd spend my first two hours of the day with it. I even still own my original clamshell case from my mom's store (!) because I can't bear to part with it.

So last week I caved and bought it on Blu-Ray (and I say caved because it, like its DVD predecessor has, like Bruce Campbell says, two things on it, Jack and Shit. Apparently the UK DVD has some sweet extras, but from what I understand, we're unlikely to see a release here with anything like that. So I just said eff it and bought it)


For asmuch as I was obsessed with the movie all those years ago, I've probably only watched it twice in the last 7 or 8 years. Watching it today in Hi-Def took me back to the times when I was obsessed with it - and I also understood why this movie was such a HUGE deal for me (besides it just being kick-ass).

Creepshow was the first current (at that time) uncut horror film that I was able to watch and enjoy at the same time. I was scared but having so much fun that I wanted to see everything and take it in. The movie was also a huge turning point in my love of horror films as it took me from not just liking scary movies to a real fan of the genre. I watched the movie so many times that I started to notice other things like the score, the use of lighting and color, and the way the movie was cut and framed to resemble a real comic book.

The film was also my introduction to George A. Romero, which led me to look for more films by him, which led me to look into horror publications that told me more about the movies I loved, which led me to magazines like Fangoria, GoreZone, and others. Those magazines taught me about people like Tom Savini, Dario Argento, Sam Raimi, and countless others. Interviews with them and learning about their favorite films and filmmakers led me to search out those films....and in the booming era of VHS (and literally, there were video stores popping up EVERYWHERE - at that time not only were there video stores, but you could rent movies at gas stations, pizza places, you name it) I was also privy to a number of publications and catalogs that were delivered to my mom's video store that helped me get the inside track on what was available and what was going to be released.

In short, Creepshow was responsible for me crossing the bridge between being just a kid who liked scary movies to being a student obsessed with the genre. I even still own all of those magazines and books that I acquired during those early years (and maybe even still a few catalogs), and my dream is someday to have a place where I can display those things (along with other horror related items I've collected over the years). And although I don't collect much besides movies these days, it's no secret that I can't resist picking up an evil doll here and there (with possibly a new member coming soon (!)

There are other movies that also had a huge effect on me as a kid - Dawn of the Dead especially - but for me, Creepshow was the little movie with a big snowball effect. I'm sorry to see it not get any special treatment but I'm happy to have it on BluRay nonetheless. With no special edition on the horizon, it's a pretty good deal at under ten bucks.

Now - where's my Knightriders on Blu-Ray, Dammit????

















Purrrrrrrrrrrr,
Mother Firefly

Bava II: Blood and Black Lace (1964)

Watching Black Sunday a few weeks ago made me want to dig into my Bava Boxes, but first I thought I'd check out this one - it's not in Box I or II, which is why I bought it separately.

Besides, check out that cover - it just screams fun, right?

Uh -huh.

Unfortunately, this is yet another instance where cover art beats hell out of the film itself - although the movie does get better the further you get into it, and by the end, it's even kinda interesting!!!! Neat!!




Not too much happens in the first twenty minutes or so. A pretty woman dies and her body is found:
Apparently, this woman left a diary. I did attempt to watch the movie in Italian with subtitles until we got to the part where another woman reads a page out loud and the movie doesn't bother to translate the DANG thing.
I mean, what the hells? So I had to go back and temporarily switch the film back to English so I could hear what this apparently important piece of info was.

The woman who stole the diary burns not only the page, but the whole diary, and then this dude comes looking for it.

Oh yeah, and then another chick gets killed with her shirt off:

So the cops decide to bring EVERY GUY IN THE DANG MOVIE to see if they can't just figure out who's up to these killing hijinks!!

But even with all the men in custody, the bodies still manage to pile up:

Bam!
It's a girl, BABY! Or is it????

Turns out that this guy is the killer - but his woman loves him so much that she agreed to do a murder while he was locked up, so he'd have an air tight alibi!

Apparently it all started with the model's diary, which contained the details of her blackmail against these two - who originally killed her husband so they could get his money.Those crazy kids!!

Look, they're just a couple of lovebirds:

He convinces her that there's one last murder that has to be done. Dang, whatever you do, don't hang out in this movie in yer bra!


Then he arranges for her to have a little accident on her way from the scene, but it doesn't pan out exactly how he planned. Still, a bitch has to give him props:


Then she decides to shoot the BF and call the police - thereby framing him for all the murders - but before she can finish her phone call, she collapses.
Well, dang.

Not too much else to say about Blood and Black Lace - no lie, I really did enjoy it more the longer I watched it. I don't know whether it was my attention span that night (which can be maddenly short sometimes) or if I was just tired. I fell asleep about 30 minutes in and then had to go back and start over. Mama workin' hard these days, friends!

Still, it ended well (even if the whole blackmail - killed the ex husband - deal wasn't exactly original) and I'm looking forward to getting more into the Bava boxes.

And hey, this week I went from ZERO movies to two, count 'em two (!) films. Maybe Mama is getting the hang of this work thing after all.

Or else I'm just slacking. Hee!

-Mother Firefly