Horror Blogger Alliance

Yippee!!

As of this week, I am a proud member of the Horror Blogger Alliance:




As are many great blogs that I read (or try to read, anyway!) When I heard about this, I thought it was a fantastic idea.

Click on the picture, check out the great blogs, make a martini, and enjoy.

Also I want to say thanks to everyone who signed up to follow my blog in the last month. I usually make it a habit to add people to my blog list who do that, and I haven't been keeping up with that. I appreciate everyone who's signed up - I know I haven't been posting much lately. Which makes me all kinds of sad - and I have all kinds of great excuses - but pffft, who cares, let's get to The Scary!

But before we do.......I do have one big THANK YOU I need to send out to a dear friend of mine who just made my house 10% scarier (at least)

My friend Mandy got me a gift certificate for graduation and I knew what I wanted to spend it on. But then I kept procrastinating and second guessing myself. FINALLY I decided to just do it - and it was out of stock. Adding insult to injury was the fact that said item was on eBay for about three times the money. I held on to the GC, kept the item on my wish list, and one day.......(cue the ta-da sound effects)...
He showed back up - at the same price he was before.

Now he lives with me.
And quite frankly, I'm scared of him.
Which makes my lil black heart all kinds of happy.
Thanks, Miss Mandy!

DROOLZ

This sweetness came in my mailbox today:


No, WAIT, it gets better:

I am a HUGE Planet of the Apes fan. but I have never owned ANY of them. Not on DVD,not on VHS, not even taped off the TV.

More to come..............

Beware The Blob!

After Nintendo finally drank the Netflix Kool-Aid and joined the X-Box and the PS3 in being able to stream movies instantly to our TV, and after spending one morning watching Happy Tree Friends, two episodes of Masters of Horror (and not the GOOD episodes either), three episodes of SOAP (didya hear me, my friends? FRIGGIN' SOAP. Now just give me streamin' Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman and I'll cry tears of joy.), and falling asleep during a totally not-about-Bigfoot-really documentary called 'Not Your Typical Bigfoot Movie' ,Mama finally settled on something I could really get into.

Beware the Blob is not only my favorite kind of cheese ball movie, it's one that I remember from childhood.


Since this is a Blob movie, it makes perfect sense to play the credits over a montage of:


A Kitten!!!!!
Awwwww. I hereby make the proclamation that more bad movies start with kittens!!!

Well, I hope you enjoyed the credits brought to you by Kittens! Inspired by Kittens! because we're about to cross the line into stupidity.
First, we have this couple, and I'm at odds as to who is the weirdest. The husband, who is camping in the living room; or his wife, who apparently is all kinds of okay with this arrangement.

The good news: Kitten's back!

The bad news: He has the unfortunate luck to be owned by these two weirdos.

Wifey finds the 'specimen' and when she asks her husband what it is and why he has it, he's all 'don't worry yer purty lil head about it'

which is apparently how the director feels about us.

And the director, by the by, is none other than:

J.R. Ewing.

Yes, it's true, Larry Hagman directed this slice of 70's cheese.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OHMIGOD ITS GOT ME BY THE JEANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lookie what's on TV:

Oh, the irony.
Now that the blob's out and about town, here comes the sequences of random blob killing:

In the tub with gettin yer Fez On!

Joining your makeout sessions:

And it all comes down to the showdown at the bowling alley/ice rink. I remember watching this movie when I was very young (I think it was a double feature with the original Blob) and my mom and I had it playing on a small TV in the kitchen while we made cookies. I actually remember a lot of the ending, including these scenes:
yes, they are wearing BULLET PROOF vests while shooting at the blob.



And I've never forgotten the ending:
LOLZ.
And that's about it for Beware! The Blob. The Blob just goes around....doing Blob stuff. Which is pretty much what happens in all of the Blob movies. Kind of crazy when you realize that we've had not one, not two, but THREE dang movies made about a pile of killer jello. That's the kind of fucked - up reasoning that also got us more than one movie about killer tomatoes. (Which Lord Knows I heart the first one, but c'mon). Anyway, it's fun, it went down fairly quicky and easily, and the dude with the yorkie and the fez made me laugh.

I said SOAP, people!
Mama Firefly

A Perfect Movie

Mama is at the end of her rope. I really don't know what else to do.
After giving up not one, not two, but THREE weekends to this illness that's been plaguing me (more on that in another post)

Maybe what I need is A Perfect Movie. There are many movies that I love with all of my little black heart but few of them that I would label as Perfect.



The Omen is one of those movies. From the script to the acting to the rottweilers to the score to the nanny flapping in the breeze; for my money, you can't do much better than The Omen.

(Aannnnnnnnnd as a creepy aside, I was in the middle of typing when Miss Baylock came in the room and is all Jedi Mind Trick with, Yo, I'm the New Nanny, and No, You Don't Need to Check My References, Bitches.....and not once but TWICE while typing that last sentence I woke up under some kind of trance with about two sentences of type consisting of nothing but 'pppppppttttttttttttttttttt' or 'nnnnnnnnnnnnnnn')

Some Things I Love:

The montage sequence filled with one 'happy family' picutre after another. Any one of them in and of itself looks like nothing but shiny, happy people. Put them together with THAT music and whoa, hold on.


Lee Remick wears a blue turban to CHURCH. A Freaking Blue Turban. And she rocks the shit out of it.
The 'Look at me, Damian! It's all for you!' still remains, for me, one of the most bone chillingly frightening things I have ever seen on film.
When Monkeys Attack!

Freaky Shadows that Predict Death!

I feel the same way about going to church:


Until later, wish me back to a speedy recovery....

Mother Firefly

Werewolf of Washington

Really? Play the movie without Elvira? What kind of sick, twisted world do some folks live in? One where I guess people need to view quality films like Werewolf of Washington so they can study the nuances and subtleties without interruption, breaks, or healthy doses of luscious Elvira cleavage.

I so do NOT want to know these people.

I'm still not feeling better, and I just want to get started with the Elvira-ness, so let's get this bee-yatch started:


OMG. I. So. Did. NOT. Know.

if it wasn't only mid afternoon (and I wasn't looking forward to a mango margarita in a few hours) I'd start doing shots with every stupid expression that Dean Stockwell makes.

So Dean Stockwell is some kind of big shot journalist in Washington, and before we're ten minutes into this shitfest, he gets into a car accident during the full moon and tries to get these people to help him:

Yeah, guess where we're going, people.

One dog later
(and Yes, that would be your standard European werewolf)

Boom, Baby!
We've got ourselves a Gen-U-INE Werewolf Movie, Peeps!

Oh well, let's get back to Washington, get to some parties, and start making faces!

Before long, we have this:

and this follows soon after:

thank god for this throughout on a regular basis:

And eventually I guess our friend Dean kills someone else. I say 'I guess' because we never actually see it; or the body- we just get to see Dean talking about it the next day:

Which is just as good, right?


And BTW, this movie is the kind that thinks it's funny to have the other actor in the scene say to Dean Stockwell, 'What's the pentagon got to do with this?" every time Dean mentions that he has a PENTRAGRAM on his body ever since he was attacked in Budapest.

Yeah.
It's just THAT good.

FINALLY, Werewolf Action via stop motion photography:

ONLY Dean Stockwell could still manage to make stupid faces through all that fur.

And then there's some political speeches n shit and some other political crap and even some bowling. Yep. Bowling.
Annnnnnnnnnnd then there's this scene:
I'll just let this one speak for itself.

I'll give the movie this: At least it had the original idea to go with a bona fide werewolf whisperer:

AHAHAHAHAHAHA
It's just so fucking surreal and randomly inserted in the movie - the scene lasts less than five minutes and features Stockwell literally licking and sniffing Mr. White Coat like a dog.
Best line of the movie delivered by the little man in the white coat-
"Are you REAL? Are you REALLY REAL??'

then we get Dean changing into a werewolf with the President yelling things at him like 'Heel!' 'Sit!" and the classic "Down, Boy!'

so wish I was kidding right now.......

I'd fill you in on more of the actual plot, but I'm not sure that there's much more to this movie than what I've showed you. And I say I'm not sure there is because I can't make myself care enough to go back and try to figure out if there was. I'll be honest, I took a couple of five to ten minute snoozes during this crap-fest and I couldn't even be bothered to rewind.

However, I didn't fall asleep for any time that Elvira was on screen. And I can't bitch too much, because somehow Elvira managed to more than make up for the previous hour and a half of awfulness:


You're welcome,
Mother Firefly