It's Time To Start the Music

After working 23 hours in the last two days (!) Mama F. craves nothing but her recliner, a martini, and some comfort TV.

Comfort TV = scary movies, Ghost Hunters and a little dose of nostalgia in the form of ....

The Muppet Show! (Courtesy of my BFF K.K. last year at Xmas. You Rock, Sexy Mama!)

I heart The Muppet Show. I never really got into the movies but I do remember the TV show fondly and I'm happy to say even 30 years later (OMG!) it still entertains.

What was even more entertaining today were the memories that Disc 2 brought up when the guest on the first episode was none other than everyone's favorite Wesson Oil Queen, Florence Henderson.

I don't have any feelings about Flo - I watched the reruns of the Brady Bunch like most people, but Carol and Mike Brady always bored me - and slightly creeped me out. Remember Mike Brady with a perm? Yeeeeeeeccccccch. And I've never really understood her appeal as this ultimate mother figure.

HERE'S the best TV mom EVER:


Suck it, Carol Brady!

ANYWAY.....when Flo guested on the Muppets, she was doing the Wesson Oil thing, and she could be seen on 70's TV pretty regularly, since back then everyone had a variety show and shows like The Love Boat needed a steady stream of B list celebs.
And when Flo showed up on these shows, she tended to sing.


Which drove my Mother CRAZY. I mean Crazy in the sense that old Flo had a pretty permanent home in my Mom's personal hate box. This lady was like her personal kryptonite. It didn't matter what my Mom was doing, let her be within earshot of Florence Henderson's musical stylings, and it would start.

"WHO the HELL decided this woman could sing??????"

"OH. MY. GOD. Her voice SETS MY TEETH ON EDGE."

"Oh JESUS tell me she's not going to sing AGAIN."

Some of this is obviously paraphrased, but I swear I'm not exaggerating when I say that Florence Henderson's singing drove my Mom absolutely BATSHIT.

Which is precisely my own response to the Freecreditreport.com singing guy. Seriously, did you ever not want to kick someone in the teeth more? I want to slap the smile off that dude's face.

Maybe my mom will weigh in on this in the comments and enlighten us all as to why Old Flo made her so crazed.

Watching the Muppets again is just plain old Good Times. Having it bring back memories like the above makes it even more fun.

UPDATE:
Here's what my mom (Harleygirl13) had to say about all of this.

"I just looked it up and the Muppets first aired 11/10/1969. So you weren't there for the first few episodes since you were born but it wasn't long after that. I would say you were maybe 2 months old and sitting in front of the TV in your little carrier while I sat and folded clothes or whatever but watching it right along with you. But they always gave the number of the episode your were watching and I know we started in the 2 digits. I really think they are they ones that got you started in reading,counting,and all that stuff. You were way ahead of all the other kids in everything. You could say your alphabet, count and so much more because of them. It's no wonder you like them so much. They were your playmates since before you could walk.

Now for more serious stuff!! Florence Henderson!!! OMG she drove me bonkers. To this day if she is on something and tries to sing I turn the station or leave the room. Who in God's Green Earth told her she could sing???? It sure wasn't me! Do you think they were always just teasing her and said "hey we need a few laughs for the show lets have Florence sing" Works for me. I really don't know why the woman bugs me so much. I don't think I was jealous of her mothering abilities because THE WOMAN NEVER DID ANYTHING!!!! If it wasn't for Alice the kids would have been junkies and on the street. I understand she does Broadway?!?! Do you think she gets paid??? Does anyone go see her??? Oh well maybe it is jealousy. After all a woman who can't act, can't sing, probably NEVER used Wesson oil in her life did OK huh? Maybe I missed my calling!! Could have been me. But I would much rather had been Mom on the Adams family. That is much more my style! Thank you for reminding me how bad Florence sings. It brought back a lot of memories!!! Keep the great blog going!!I heart everyone of them!! "

Escape From the Planet of the Apes, or : Apes, 70's Style

Yippee! In case I haven't made it clear enough yet, the third movie in the POTA series, Escape, is Mother's Guilty Pleasure Favorite. The best film is, of course, the first, but for cheese value alone, you can't top the good times in Escape.

For starters, we've got Roddy McDowall returning to the Cornelius role, with Kim Hunter back again as his lovely wife, Zira. Corn, Zira, and a third friend, Dr. Milo, have somehow managed to get the astronaut's ship up and running and managed to escape Earth just before Chuck Heston blew it all to shit. At least we know why Corn and Zira aren't in the second film very much - they were busy rebuilding the ship.






So our gang plays it safe at first, but eventually the humans find out that these apes can talk, and sooner than later it comes out that the apes are pretty sure they come from Earth's future, a place where humans are mute, and the Damn Dirty Apes are Large and In Charge.


This upsets TV's Victor from Young and the Restless to no end, and he takes it upon himself to prevent the eventual ape takeover by elminating the apparent cause of the problem, namely - Cornelius, Zira, and their unborn child. Yep. Zira's pregnant, and TV's Victor sees all kinds of problems with that.

Ultimately, Zira and Cornelius go on the run, the baby is born, and they make friends with Ricardo Montalban.



Escape is also the only film of the actual movie to feature a montage. And who doesn't love a montage? Especially when said montage features Corn and Zira being shown the sights of LA, shopping for clothes, and being given a rockin' hotel suite at the Beverly Wilshire - all to the cheesiest music the 70's could dream up.


Here's a synopsis of the films thus far:
1. Chuck Heston, in the 70's, takes a spaceship two thousand years into the future. Where the Apes are. Chuck gets the apes all riled up, gets a girlfriend, steals a horse and a rifle, and ends up a prisoner of the bald icky people who live underground in what's left of the New York Subway.
2. James Franciscus follows, looking for Chuck, gets the apes all upset AGAIN, is forced to fight Chuck by the mind -controlling bald people, Chuck gets shot, gets pissed, swears, and blows up the planet.
3. Zira and Cornelius manage to escape, see the planet explode, and go back in time to a couple years after Chuck Heston initially left. Whew.
4. TV's Victor tries to put everything right by trying to kill off Zira and Cornelius, but not only makes the rest of the film series possible with his actions, but sets our ape friends on the run, where Mama and Daddy do the only thing they can to protect their newborn, which is give him to ...... Ricardo Montalban.


5. Which means that TV's Victor is ultimately responsible for the apes taking over earth.
Boom, Baby!

Until next time, Dearhearts,
Mother Firefly

Drive-In Bombs, Part I

You know, down here at the Firefly Ranch, we appreciate a fine, well-crafted film. But my regular readers know that Mama loves herself the bad movies as well; bad acting, skimpy plots (or sometimes none at all), monsters with the zippers showing, and mutant animals/insects/aquatic life. I take the cheap tacky horror movies and I give them love while gently poking a little fun. Take any of the above mentioned elements, serve 'em up 60's or 70's style, and chances are I'll find something to like about it.

But every once in a while, I get myself in a righteous mess ala 'Godmonster of Indian Flats' (so convoluted and awful that it needs to come with a WARNING sticker), or sometimes (like a couple of weeks ago) I end up accidentally watching something starring Dean Stockwell.

And then there's Pick-Up.



While not exactly a horror film - at least, I don't think it is - actually, I have NO FRIGGIN IDEA what Pick-Up was trying to be - it was part of a series of films that I bought because I thought they'd be fun. I'm talking about the Drive In Cult Classics:


And God Help Me For Not Resisting a Deal on Amazon, I bought not just this set at the CRAZY low price of 6.99, I also bought parts 2 AND 3.

Then I started with Classics 1 today and dove in with the first movie. At first it seems innocuous enough, we have a couple of girls straight out of a Breck commmercial (and if you know what I'm talking about, high five!) who may or may not be making the right decision by taking a ride with some random dude driving an RV.

Then about halfway through, it's as if the filmmakers took parts of three or films they never finished, spliced them together, and called it good.

Cut to Mama F., on the couch, wearing my WTF??? face, rocking back and forth, saying through my tears:

"They've got to get better.....right? They've GOT to get better....."

Cut to me at my favorite restaurant drinking my favorite margarita to get up the strength to come home and write this review.

God help us, but here we go:
These are the kind of films that just get right into the action - we have a dude, the dude's RV, and two chicks who are apparently offered a ride....
Who are they, who is he, and how does he afford an RV bigger than most apartments I've had in my life?

Who cares? Like we have time to contemplate such matters......


Even though this one (w the dark hair and therefore the more reserved) thinks Aries is in a bad sun or something and this probably isn't a good idea.


I took a lot of trips in RVs in the 70s and 80s but I don't remember ever having one of these groovy signs hanging over the front....


You know, Just in case there's any questions....

Mobile Home must = Party Bus in this film, because as soon as we get going, Blondie is flashing the other boys on the road...well, kinda flashing...


Look! It's the underneath sweaty part of my left boob!

While Ms Moody McMoody Pants contemplates their future:

One Detour Later and whoops, we're stuck in the swamp:
Where our favorite party bus couple decides to strap the camera upside down to their belts and go for a walk:
And play with baby raccoons:

Miss Dark and Mysterious decides to venture out for a walk

where she is immediately greeted by a vision of a woman who tells her to prepare herself to be her successor.Successor to what? Listen people, this movie is a whole 75 minutes, and we've still got flashbacks and visions of clowns to fit in this damn movie! We don't have time for such nonsense..... I guess the answer is yes, because then
One white robe and one big scepter later, it's a done deal. Accompanied by much writhing on a big white stone table in the middle of the swamp, of course.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnd then .......
everyone has childhood flashbacks. Which seem to center around some sort of first sexual experience ..... or something.

Then, whoops, there he is, Mr Clown shows up:


And just what is he doing in the movie? I have NO FRICKIN' IDEA.

Then at some point, the driver of the party bus decides to switch from blonde to brunette and they go out to get it on on the marble table with the clown lurking about:

And if you think that bothers Blondie one little bit, think again. She just decides to start dancing around the RV with her favorite stuffed animal:
I really wish I could say someone in the movie threw that at her and smacked her in the face with it. But nope, she really does dance with it, and it's sitting that way on her head because she PUT IT THERE ON PURPOSE.

So she dances her way outdoors, her friends get it on in the swamp, and the next morning they walk back to the RV to find this:

And just as we're digesting THAT, the movie inexplicably returns to right where we started from:
HEE! We made a dumb ass movie that makes no sense!!!!

And, it seemingly starts all over again as the girls run off to join their boy toy in his RV party bus again.....

I guess this movie was just something to play at the drive in while couples made out. At least I HOPE they were making out and not actually watching this mess. What's really interesting to me are the reviews on IMDB - there are actually people out there that enjoyed this film and speak well of it. Which amazes me even more than the idea that someone made this thing ON PURPOSE.

I think I may need to watch something with some substance and value now, like another Planet of the Apes film.

-Mother Firefly

Back to the Apes, Part II

I can't say enough about how much I Heart my new Planet of the Apes Blu Ray Collection. I Heart it so much I bought one for my Mom for Mother's Day. Probably what I Heart even more than the Collection itself is the fact that I have a Mother who actually wanted it for Mother's Day - and who spent half a day looking for someone at work to tell about it - who would appreciate it.
She ended up finding a co-worker (another woman - how awesome!) who not only appreciated it but told my Mom stories about how she and her siblings would play 'Planet of the Apes' when they were kids. So, yes, us girls that heart on the Apes, we are out here, and we will kick you in the ding-ding if you hate on our monkey movies.





As much as I love these movies, I've always had kind of a 'blah' spot in my heart for Part II, Beneath the Planet of the Apes. For me, as a kid, it was the Tuesday movie during Ape Week, the one you had to get through to make it to my stone cold guilty pleasure favorite, Escape From the Planet of the Apes.

Beneath kind of disturbed me as a kid - it didn't really scare me as much as the freaky white people living underground just grossed me out. They literally made me nauseous, and when I think back to my childhood memories of this movie, they're almost always accompanied by a queasy feeling in my stomach. So I've always had a 'take or leave it' philosophy towards this movie.




So I decided I'd just 'get it over with' and watch Part II. And then I found that my memories of the movie were not quite accurate. For one thing, most of the movie does NOT take place underground (which I thought it did), and there's actually more Ape City action than I remembered. Also what I did not remember is that Cornelius and Zira have a very small role, and Cornelius is not played by Roddy McDowall. Which is not because Mr McDowall was too high-falutin' to strap the monkey suit back on, but had previous commitments that prevented him from taking the role. (Thanks, Special Features!)

BTW - in the other 'Thanks But No Thanks' Category of Special Features, the documentary on POTA points out that the special effects budget was cut on Part II, which led to a lot of inferior makeups in the background. Which - once you're aware of this, you can't help but notice. Like all the time.

Anyway......BTPOTA is, for the first half,, basically a remake of POTA. Astronaut crashes, other astronauts die, astronaut finds Nova and then talking monkeys, astronaut gets captured... you get the drill. Adding to the remake feel is our star James Franciscus, who, in my opinion, is basically Charlton Heston Lite. You know, it's made to taste similar but with half the cheese.


So 'Chuck MC Lyte' Franciscus runs around Ape City, gettin' into scrapes and making friends with Corn and Zira. He's also looking for 'Chuck Original Recipe' Heston at the same time. Nova is not a lot of help, since she can't speak, but she can drag Chuck Lyte around to all the important places, including the place that Taylor disappeared.






And it turns out that place is underground, in the old New York Subway, with the weird creepy bald people that make my stomach hurt. Probably the last part of this movie that I really enjoy is the time that James Franciscus and Linda Harrison spend exploring the location. Then the baldies who worship the Big Bomb come in the picture, and it's just okay for me after that.





Then Voila! Our Friend Chuck returns for the ending just in time to wrestle James Franciscus (which, if you think about it, is just about as awesome as the Elvis vs Elvis fight in Kissin' Cousins).

and curse out the Bad Monkeys again before he blows all the shit up.
The End.


I don't feel that I'm giving anything away here - even with a big ole bomb, the ending of this movie is just about as anti-climactic as they come. It's literally over with a peep. The End, now bring on the FUN one with Zira and Cornelius (Roddy McDowall's Back! Yay!) and Victor from Young and the Restless.

And that's about all Mother has to say about Part II. The film does look gorgeous on Blu Ray, and I did enjoy most of the movie, even if it is just a remake of the first one. I'll definitely include it in the next time I decide to watch all the films, even if I do turn it off right about the time of the 'Chuck vs Chuck 2.0' smackdown.

Till next time, Dearhearts, when we dive in and swim around in the guilty cheese fest that is Escape From the Planet of the Apes,
Mother Firefly

Planet of the Apes - Blu Ray

It looks all kinds of GORGEOUS and it was like watching it for the first time ever. I've seen this entire series on TV (B&W and color), VHS, and DVD. I even watched it all night long while I recovered from a nasty 24 hour flu once. But I've never been so.....ENAMORED of it as I was today. I usually take notes while I'm watching movies, but I couldn't take my eyes off it. I can't wait to see the rest.

If you love this series (or even if you just like the first one), GET IT.



.

Can't wait to get into the rest.

It's a MADHOUSE!
-Mother Firefly

Night of the Living Dead Puppet Show on DVD!!!

There are many things I love about living in Milwaukee, but one of the things I love the most is that I live in a city where something as fantastic as the Night of the Living Dead Puppet Show began. (Screw you, stupid Fonzie statue!) And believe me, one day I expect to read those words in Entertainment Weekly. Not 'Screw you, stupid Fonzie statue' (although that would be freakin' KILLER) but the part about the NOTLD Puppet Show having its origins in Milwaukee.

Seriously, people, it's that good - and it's that FUNNY. But while you're waiting for NOTLD : The Puppet Show to invade the rest of the country - and I predict they'll do just that - you can support the movement by purchasing the DVD from their website. (Plus you'll laugh your ass off, so what do you have to lose, people??)

Click on the link and follow the directions HERE:

And the main page here: Angry Young Men, Ltd

My original review from Zombie Con X HERE.

Quote from the website also follows the clip:




"Night of the Living Dead: The Puppet Show, Better Than Live(?) features a High-Def studio filming of the half-hour show. Plus, special features include a blooper reel, a new short short, a commentary version of the 2007 live show, and a 51-min Essential re-edit of the original 1968 classic. Order fast before they are gone! Just $10 plus $4 shipping.
Email info@angryyoungmenltd.com for details."

My email is on its way, Barbara!

-Mother Firefly

Horror Blogger Alliance

Yippee!!

As of this week, I am a proud member of the Horror Blogger Alliance:




As are many great blogs that I read (or try to read, anyway!) When I heard about this, I thought it was a fantastic idea.

Click on the picture, check out the great blogs, make a martini, and enjoy.

Also I want to say thanks to everyone who signed up to follow my blog in the last month. I usually make it a habit to add people to my blog list who do that, and I haven't been keeping up with that. I appreciate everyone who's signed up - I know I haven't been posting much lately. Which makes me all kinds of sad - and I have all kinds of great excuses - but pffft, who cares, let's get to The Scary!

But before we do.......I do have one big THANK YOU I need to send out to a dear friend of mine who just made my house 10% scarier (at least)

My friend Mandy got me a gift certificate for graduation and I knew what I wanted to spend it on. But then I kept procrastinating and second guessing myself. FINALLY I decided to just do it - and it was out of stock. Adding insult to injury was the fact that said item was on eBay for about three times the money. I held on to the GC, kept the item on my wish list, and one day.......(cue the ta-da sound effects)...
He showed back up - at the same price he was before.

Now he lives with me.
And quite frankly, I'm scared of him.
Which makes my lil black heart all kinds of happy.
Thanks, Miss Mandy!