2 hours ago
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Escape From the Planet of the Apes, or : Apes, 70's Style
Yippee! In case I haven't made it clear enough yet, the third movie in the POTA series, Escape, is Mother's Guilty Pleasure Favorite. The best film is, of course, the first, but for cheese value alone, you can't top the good times in Escape.
For starters, we've got Roddy McDowall returning to the Cornelius role, with Kim Hunter back again as his lovely wife, Zira. Corn, Zira, and a third friend, Dr. Milo, have somehow managed to get the astronaut's ship up and running and managed to escape Earth just before Chuck Heston blew it all to shit. At least we know why Corn and Zira aren't in the second film very much - they were busy rebuilding the ship.
So our gang plays it safe at first, but eventually the humans find out that these apes can talk, and sooner than later it comes out that the apes are pretty sure they come from Earth's future, a place where humans are mute, and the Damn Dirty Apes are Large and In Charge.
This upsets TV's Victor from Young and the Restless to no end, and he takes it upon himself to prevent the eventual ape takeover by elminating the apparent cause of the problem, namely - Cornelius, Zira, and their unborn child. Yep. Zira's pregnant, and TV's Victor sees all kinds of problems with that.
Ultimately, Zira and Cornelius go on the run, the baby is born, and they make friends with Ricardo Montalban.
Escape is also the only film of the actual movie to feature a montage. And who doesn't love a montage? Especially when said montage features Corn and Zira being shown the sights of LA, shopping for clothes, and being given a rockin' hotel suite at the Beverly Wilshire - all to the cheesiest music the 70's could dream up.
Here's a synopsis of the films thus far:
1. Chuck Heston, in the 70's, takes a spaceship two thousand years into the future. Where the Apes are. Chuck gets the apes all riled up, gets a girlfriend, steals a horse and a rifle, and ends up a prisoner of the bald icky people who live underground in what's left of the New York Subway.
2. James Franciscus follows, looking for Chuck, gets the apes all upset AGAIN, is forced to fight Chuck by the mind -controlling bald people, Chuck gets shot, gets pissed, swears, and blows up the planet.
3. Zira and Cornelius manage to escape, see the planet explode, and go back in time to a couple years after Chuck Heston initially left. Whew.
4. TV's Victor tries to put everything right by trying to kill off Zira and Cornelius, but not only makes the rest of the film series possible with his actions, but sets our ape friends on the run, where Mama and Daddy do the only thing they can to protect their newborn, which is give him to ...... Ricardo Montalban.
5. Which means that TV's Victor is ultimately responsible for the apes taking over earth.
Until next time, Dearhearts,