Thursday, October 6, 2011

Day 4: Dexter

LOVE this show. Yet to be disappointed.
Did you catch the first episode?

New favorite swear words: 'Holy Frankenfuck!'

Easily made giddy by bad words,
Mama F.

Day 3: Troll Hunter

This has to be the year I've seen the fewest movies in like, ever. I saw this movie when it played the Times last summer - for whatever reason, it interested me enough to make the effort to leave the house - which is saying something. I work in the community and after spending all day in the freaking blazing heat we had all summer, it had to be something pretty stellar to get me back out in it again once I was home.

If you don't like the POV style movies like Blair Witch, Diary of the Dead, and Cloverfield, I'm probably not going to sell you on this one - but I'd still suggest giving it a chance.  It's original and funny and, yes, I was creeped out more than once.  A couple of reviews I read seemed to be think that the filmmakers failed by showing more of the trolls than they should have - and while I'm usually a proponent of 'less is more', I think I would have been disappointed if I hadn't seen any trolls.  Maybe for some people, it didn't work, but I thought the trolls were scary and interesting enough to see more than once. 

Yay for monsters back in movies!
Just a simple girl,
Mama F.

Day 2: Faust

I have to mention this play before we get much further into the month. I had the pleasure of seeing it at the Alchemist Theater in Bay View last weekend, and it ROCKED. The first 15-20 minutes take place in the theater, and after that, it's all on you to see how much you want to see. You wander all over the theater watching scenes unfold with the actors only inches from you. Stand in the wrong place in the wrong time and you might just get hit by a door. Buy your tickets soon, though, as they're selling fast, apparently. 
Go here to get tickets - weekends appear to be sold out but as of this writing,
Thursdays all have tickets available.

And if you don't make this production by the Alchemist, keep them in mind for
other events - they always do a great job. 

Day 1: Halloween Tips

Yeah, I run it every year, I'm lame, I know. But I have to give my cats the pimp spot, and this list makes Mama's lil black heart happy.

Keep in mind for Halloween, it is worthwhile to remember a few
simple rules to help keep this season healthy, happy and SAFE!!
Please use these helpful hints this and every year.
1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to
see if it's really dead.

2. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone

4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language
which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you
a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take
several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to
kids who speak with somebody else's voice.

5. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go
6. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

7. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would
apply to any other house of the dead as well.

8. If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and
find out that it's just the cat, GET THE HECK OUT!

9. If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for
short circuits, just get out.

10. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.

11. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good
reason for it. Don't stop and look around.

12. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure
you know what you're doing.

13. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down
at least twice, more if you are female. Also note that, despite the
fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along,
it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

14. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic
behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes,
increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.

15. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are
listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in
trouble if you recognize this one), anywhere in Texas where
chainsaws are sold, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

16. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go
to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. If you think
that it is strange you ran out of gas because you thought you had
most of a tank, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway,
and most likely be eaten.

17. Beware of strangers bearing tools. For example: chainsaws,
staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines,
lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any
devices made from deceased companions.

18. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the
time to move in with the in-laws. This also applies to houses that
had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in
some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic

19. Dress appropriately. When investigating a noise downstairs in an
old house, women should not wear a flimsy negligee. And carry a
flashlight, not a candle.

20. Do not mention the names of demons around open flames, as these
can flare suddenly. Be especially careful of fireplaces in this

21. Do not go looking for witches in the countryside.... you might
find us!

Mother F.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Whether You Want Me to or Not....

I'm coming back, Y'all.

It's ON, Bitches!!!!!!


Thursday, March 17, 2011

Y'all Need to Be Here

in south Milwaukee on Saturday night.

From the Angry Young Men, Ltd blog:

You see, we've got a show coming up next week Friday. Char and the gang at Soulstice Theatre are throwing a benefit - One Night Only - and asked us if we would like to throw our puppets into the mix.
A little background - many of us at the core of Angry Young Men have worked with Soulstice over the last decade. Soulstice is a wonderful  Community Theatre, but not in the way you'd expect. They do thoughtful, provocative, and lesser-known pieces, not another @#$%-ing version of "Our Town" starring bored suburbanites. They even donate a percentage of ticket sales, every show, to a local charity. Who else does that?
 So when we were asked to 'Bring our puppets", we decided we were going to do so much more. First off, the whole of Act 2 is the NOTLD puppet show. If you missed us around Halloween, here's your chance to see us live. If you've seen us in the past, there's plenty of surprises up our sleeves for this time around.
It's never the same show twice, trust me.
We've also come up with some new characters that'll be capering underfoot during Act One. We were well overdue for singin', dancin' puppets, anyway.
So come on down to the Marion Center (3195 S Superior St, Milwaukee) on Saturday, March 19th. There'll be a Reception and cash bar starting at 6:30, and the show starts at 7:30.
Oh, and, it's Pay-What-You-Can.
So Give, Baby, Give!

Just do what yer Mama says and GIT down there.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Long Overdue

While I was on my extended leave of absence, I was very saddened to hear that Ingrid Pitt had passed away. I was especially down because I was working on a portrait of her and planned on sending her a print. I was just about finished with it when I heard the news. 

I really only had the background to finish - so I went for a kind of ethereal feeling. 

I took this from one of her glamour shots from the 60's - I wanted to avoid the more iconic photos of her (although I love them).

 I was really looking forward to contacting her again - I wrote her once about five years ago, and she was kind enough to write me back. I'm glad I did that - I just wish I'd done her portrait sooner.

I used watercolor and only blue and burnt sienna again. I'm working on a second watercolor of Ingrid, larger (this one is only  5 x 7) and not limiting the color palette this time.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011


Equinox….a movie so great in its badness that it’s part of the Criterion Collection. Which also means it’s stupidly expensive. So rent it.

It’s about a crazy group of kids that decide to picnic in the woods, find an ancient book that is all kinds of evil ‘n stuff, and fight off stop motion monsters.  Oh yeah, and there’s a castle and Kentucky Fried Chicken.  Neat!

Our movie begins with some dude yelling and running through the woods and almost getting run over by a car with no driver. Then some other dude finds him and takes him to the hospital.

I agree, it's always faster to run THROUGH the trees than around them.

So, cut to a year later, and our tree jumper, David, has been hanging out in the psych ward. Apparently nobody really knows the story, so it's time to get it out of him, don't you think?

So one day David, his friend Jim, and their be-scarfed dates, Susan and Vicki get their Colonel on and head out for a picnic in the woods. Oh yeah, it also has something to do with some geology thing and a professor.

But when they get there, the professor, Dr Waterman, is nowhere to be found - and his cabin is all kinds of crazy messed up. Wonder how that happened?

But these kids aren't all alone in these woods - they have a ranger who likes to magically appear every once in a while:

Don't let my eyebrows scare you. Oh wait, on second thought, they probably should.

Not only does this forest have a ranger, it has a castle!
When forced perspective goes horribly wrong.

There's also this cackling bastard who lives in a cave:

He also gives the kids a BIG Book O EEEvil to read at their picnic.

Rockin' the KFC:

The kids learn all kinds of groovy things from this book. Including finding out what happened to the professor's cabin:

Yes, you guessed it. A freaking sea serpent destroyed it. Because, as we all well know, one of the many dangers of being out in the wilderness is the potential to run into SEA CREATURES.  Oh well. In my book, that's what you get for CAMPING. 

So the kids decide that this forest is just one freaking EVIL ass place, so they better make some totems to protect themselves. You know, as opposed to JUST GOING THE F**K HOME. They consult the book and get their Blair Witch on with sticks and string:

Good for keeping Rangers and Sea Serpents at bay.

So - we have A Ranger, Sea Serpents, Kentucky Fried Chicken, and Blair Witchy totems. What else could this movie use?


Forced perspective is just NOT this movie's strong suit.

So at some point, we figure out that Ranger Rick is really a bad guy, and also turning himself into these crazy ass monsters....I think. 
One thing I know he can do is open up some kind of crazy portal and suck people into it:

David can't pull Jim and the book out, so he ends up jumping in the vortex himself:

And it turns out that the inside of the vortex is pretty much the same as the OUTSIDE of the vortex.....only redder.

Then they both escape but it's soon clear that Jim is not really Jim after all. 

That crazy Ranger!

Well, you know that this whole evil possession thing just ain't gonna end good, and it doesn't. Which brings us back around to the beginning of the story, with Jim flailing about on the side of the road and ending up in the nut house.  Oh yeah, and Jim says something about being told that day that he would die in one year and one day.  And guess what today is? Derp.

I thought I had a screen shot of Susan walking up to the hospital - with some consipicuous dark circles under her eyes. But I don't. Trust me, it's not that exciting.  As almost as soon as we see her, we get this:

And that's it. 
I almost feel bad for Equinox because i want to like it more than I do. Of course I mean like it in the way that I love bad movies, like I want to tuck them under my pillow and protect them from the cold, cruel world. And while there are times that Equinox veers towards Awesome Badness ( A Freaking Sea Serpent in the Forest? Be still my beating heart!), at times it's just, well, boring.
Yeah, that's pretty much how I felt by the end of this movie.
But it's fun for a one time viewing - which is why Mama would never pay Criterion Collection price for this mess. Maybe five dollar bargain bin. But I do think it's very cool that a movie like this got the Criterion treatment. So, Criterion, where's my Abby? Vampire Hookers? Death Bed: The Bed that Eats?

Oh well. We can always hope. 
Till next time, friends.....go get yerselves some KFC and for god's sake, stay out of the woods.
-Mother Firefly

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

How Awesome Is This?

Just when I think I can't love The Angry Young Men any more, they go and prove me wrong. I can't help it - when you turn one of my childhood icons into a zombie, you have my heart.

Behold the genius:

Monday, March 7, 2011

Back At It

Yes, I'm back, and Mama is feeling GOOD.   Finally my new place feels like a home, the cats have adjusted, and we're getting back to something resembling a life. Except since this is my strange version of a life, ghost hunting shows clog my DVR, Elvis and Barry White are on the stereo, and I tuck myself into bed at night with HorrorHound magazine.  AND - best of all - The Scary is coming back around again.

Although it was never gone - I played Dawn of the Dead at least twice last weekend when I opened every last dang box in the place. Wherever I am, I always have Peter, Roger and Flyboy to keep me company.

And I've been discovering things I'd forgotten I had - before I moved to Milwaukee eight years ago, I packed up my collection of all things horror and stored it in the attic - where it's been hanging out all this time. I can't believe the things I'd forgotten - like my signed certificate from Ted Mikels saying that I'm of sound mind and body and cleared to watch The Corpse Grinders.....totally forgot I had a Lily Munster doll .... and do I really have a Leatherface bobble head?  Yep. I sure do.

Finally this week I stopped working on this place and watched something filled with awesome badness and deserving of the Mama treatment. Expect that in a day or two.

The Firefly Ranch has relocated and we're back open for business, friends. Just take off your shoes, please, those rugs weren't cheap. Who needs Papa Cash, anyway? Mama is making this all her OWN.

And who knows? maybe someday, some tall drink of nerdy horror lovin' man will come over to the Ranch and say, Mama, you are some MESSED up chick.....and I love it. And I'll be all, MmmHmm, You KNOW it, Baby.

But for now, this girl is loving hanging out with her friends, doing what she wants, when she wants, and not having to watch ANYTHING that falls under the category of what I like to call 'Arty Relationship Movie'.   Ew.  

Take care, my friends, and Mama will be back soon with a martini in one hand and screen shots of bad monsters in the other.....

-Mama Firefly

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Snowed In

Or, how Mama's move was delayed by Mother Nature. Somehow I was awesomely able to time my move exactly with the biggest snow storm of the year. I ROCK!

Even with the threat of like, the hugest blizzard in the last ten years hanging over us, the movers came and they did their thing.  But the snow started falling just as they finished, and by the time I got back to the old place, the roads were getting bad. Needless to say, moving the cats, getting food/supplies, and a few other things were put on hold. I spent the next day snowed in until the city got around to plowing our street, and the NEXT day locked out of my new place due to a key fiasco.

Did I mention I ROCK? You may not want me to plan your next move, however.

Then I had to work this weekend, and with the Superbowl coming (and having to reschedule the cable installation at the new place), Mama and the kitties have been living at the old place, while all of our 'stuff' is living at the new place. But not for much longer - we'll be moving the last few things will be moving in two days, along with the cats.

I'll be a few days before I'll have the net again, and then I'll be back at it. I feel all kinds of weird with all of my things gone, my movies packed away, and living out of a suitcase in the home I've been in for over eight years.

But, since I was snowed in, I managed to watch a couple things - including The Last Exorcism.

and I learned that super flexible people and blank stares are a recipe for FREAKING ME OUT. I really liked Last Exorcism for the most part - we've seen the fake documentary and we've seen people possessed by 'The DEBIL' , but I thought it was well-acted and real in a way that was really disturbing to me. Especially creepy for me was the choice to make the 'DEBIL' voice all normal like. 
  I was warned the ending of this was disappointing - but this movie actually has two endings - the one that fakes you out and then the 'real' explanation. When the fake out came, I thought it was lame at first and I understood the complaints. Then, when the real ending came, I actually found the 'fake' ending creepy - with the realization that 'The DEBIL' was behind it and had fooled everyone.
    I didn't hate the actual ending of the movie - but to me, it felt like it belonged in an entirely different kind of movie. God knows Mama loves some good old fashioned Satan worship ( complete with an altar) in her movies, but it seemed that it belonged in a cheesier film. I thought the movie was so creepy because the documentary style filming gave the move a realistic vibe - and the ending -to me- just didn't seem to fit in with the rest of the movie. I didn't have a problem with the ending itself - I'd just like it more in a totally different movie.
  So then my brother asked me how I WOULD end it - and I have no idea. But hey, Mama's a busy woman and I don't make movies, I just talk about them.  It's someone else's job to entertain me, dammit.

And speaking of entertaining, I also dug Dead Set - a five part mini series from the UK that IFC played last October. Yes, it's been sitting on my DVR that long. I didn't like it as much as The Walking Dead, which I thought had more compelling characters and storylines.  And Dead Set's zombies are some fast buggers, which means we get few really good looks at them and there's the kind of fast editing and jerky camera movements that make Mama's head feel all googly.

Dead Set focuses on people on a reality Big Brother type show - and what happens to them when the rest of the country goes to hell following a zombie outbreak. What I thought was great about Dead Set was exploring what it would be like if these people you'd been living with turned into zombies before your eyes - how unbelievable that would be - and believe me, in this story, it happens FAST.

Well, that's all the thoughts I have in my tired lil head. I watched the Packers win (!) and I'm SO ready to move completely into my new place and make it start feeling like home. Thanks everyone for the encouraging comments - you guys are all kinds of AWESOME and I look forward to catching up with everyone soon. And watching some crazy bad movie fill of cheese.  It's great to watch good stuff but I start to crave the bad. It's true.

Until next time,
 Mother Firefly

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Busy, Busy, Busy

The Firefly Ranch is in a STATE, my friends.  Boxes and things waiting to go in boxes....I've had The Last Exorcism here for the last week and I haven't watched it yet. I'm also trying to watch everything I put on the DVR in the last couple of months - which means I've been living on a steady stream of ghost hunting shows and Destination Truth playing in the background while I pack. 

Movers come next Tuesday, so Mama has her work cut out for her this weekend.......Here's hoping it goes smoothly and that night I'm kicking back in my new living room watching my first horror movie in my new home.......

Hmmm.....what I should watch first???

Mama will be getting back to business soon - I miss scary movies and I'm DYING to watch something, anything, even The Last Exorcism.

Till then -
Mother Firefly

Monday, January 17, 2011


Recently I had myself a lil  double feature with Machete and Black Dynamite. Cause I like my mens all rough and Grindhouse-y. It was the second time I've watched Black Dynamite but the first for Machete.

Why aren't more movies this much fun? Danny Trejo was awesome.  My mom saw him in downtown Milwaukee at the last big Harley fest. True story.

I almost started it over again as soon as I was done with it. Here's hoping for more Machete.

It appears my apartment search has paid off, and I've found a new place to live. I'm moving in two weeks, so I'm going to be pretty busy packing and moving and unpacking. Posts will probably be in short supply for the next month or so until I get moved and settled.

I'll be back as soon as I can.....until then take care, and remember,
Machete don't text.

Mother Firefly

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

The New Daughter

I almost called this post Surprisingly, It Didn't Suck. Because if this movie had somehow wandered into my home with that horrible title and the even more horrible poster:

I mean, huh?  What exactly are we supposed to think this movie is about, anyway?

It makes me think 'Kevin Costner is PISSED as HELL and he's gonna take that gun and he's gonna.......he's......OH SHIT I HAVE NO FREAKING IDEA BECAUSE THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST STUPIDEST MISLEADING POSTERS EVER'

Yeah, I said it. MOST STUPIDEST.

So, as I was saying, IF this movie had just walked into my house wearing that dumbass poster, I'd have buried it under a pile of Tom Hanks movies, where I'd be sure never to find it again, because God knows I'm not going to picking any of THOSE up to watch them anytime soon. Of course, I don't actually own any Tom Hanks movies, so my threats are probably pretty empty.


The reason this movie ended up in my house was because I happened to read a review that said this movie was much better than the reviewer had anticipated. (Sorry, can't recall where that was.....) After that, I added it to my list, somehow (by the power of Kevin Costner?) it managed to crawl to the top, and then, bingo oingo boingo, it ended up here.

And the first third was pretty good, and then a bit of CGI madness managed to crawl its way across the screen.  So I thought, well, okay, it was a good thirty minutes or so, maybe we'll have another good thirty minutes before the movie breaks down into a spiral of Extra Crispy Retardness.

But get this - not only did I NOT think the ending was retarded - I even thought it was CREEPY.

It may be that I am more easily spooked these days; or; it may be that this is the only new horror movie I've seen in WEEKS.  Or maybe it had something to do with being directed by Luis Berdejo, the writer of [Rec].

so let your Mama know what you thought.  Have you seen it, and it did you also think, Hey! That didn't actually suck! or, am I completely off base and it actually was terrible and I've just lost my marbles AND my good taste.

Until then,
Sleep Tight and Don't Let the Bedbugs Bite,
Mama F.