Saturday, August 29, 2009

God Bless the Canadians

Because they're the only country taking zombies SERIOUSLY. And the BBC is reporting it, y'all.
'Science ponders zombie attack'

And basically, people, the news ain't good.

A couple of professors from Carelton University and University of Ottawa decided they wanted to know what would happen if there was a zombie outbreak. Who would win?

The professors say : "We model a zombie attack using biological assumptions based on popular zombie movies.

"We introduce a basic model for zombie infection and illustrate the outcome with numerical solutions."

Which loosely translates to: We smoked a bowl and watched Dawn of the Dead and then we got out our calculators.

God I love horror nerds.

Then they went and published their paper in a book called Infectious Diseases Modelling Research Progress. You can buy the book for 70 bucks on Amazon, or you can just download the pdf "When Zombies Attack! Mathematical Modelling of an Outbreak of a Zombie Infection" here. A warning, though. This sucker is 18 pages and contains all kinds of charts, equations, and other things that look like this:

the number of zombies destroyed through this process per unit time per susceptible is:
( N)(Z=N)S = (alpha)SZ

The ODEs satisfy
S0 + Z0 + R0 = II

and hence
S + Z + R = infinity

Huh, What???
I suggest going right to the summary of the paper:

In summary, a zombie outbreak is likely to lead to the collapse of civilisation, unless it
is dealt with quickly. While aggressive quarantine may contain the epidemic, or a cure may lead to coexistence of humans and zombies, the most effective way to contain the rise of the undead is to hit hard and hit often. As seen in the movies, it is imperative that zombies are dealt with quickly, or else we are all in a great deal of trouble.

Which again, loosely translated means:
Bend over and kiss your ass goodbye.

And in other reasons for me to do the happy dance, AMC is announcing they're about to develop a zombie tv show! The series will be based on The Walking Dead and possibly directed by Frank Darabont (Shawshank Redemption)

Zombie TV show

Going to board up my windows,
Mother Firefly


Jumbo's Lezis said...

I think its great the Canadians are trying to do something to save the world, way to step up. But I think they may be our downfall. Remember that bitch-face Roger More proved that Canadians don't carry guns and you can walk right into their homes and no one cares. So any chance they have is shot, because they are morons. I have planned my battle with the zombies for many years, I have even progressed to the stage of securing Michigan's 3 land connections in order to rebuild my world, yes my world.

Mother Firefly said...

I still have to give the Canadians props, after all, we're the ones making the majority of the movies, books, comics, survival guides, etc... and yet they still beat us to the real science part.
When the shit hits the fan, I'll go north and meet you at the border.