Saturday, April 17, 2010

Werewolf of Washington

Really? Play the movie without Elvira? What kind of sick, twisted world do some folks live in? One where I guess people need to view quality films like Werewolf of Washington so they can study the nuances and subtleties without interruption, breaks, or healthy doses of luscious Elvira cleavage.

I so do NOT want to know these people.

I'm still not feeling better, and I just want to get started with the Elvira-ness, so let's get this bee-yatch started:

OMG. I. So. Did. NOT. Know.

if it wasn't only mid afternoon (and I wasn't looking forward to a mango margarita in a few hours) I'd start doing shots with every stupid expression that Dean Stockwell makes.

So Dean Stockwell is some kind of big shot journalist in Washington, and before we're ten minutes into this shitfest, he gets into a car accident during the full moon and tries to get these people to help him:

Yeah, guess where we're going, people.

One dog later
(and Yes, that would be your standard European werewolf)

Boom, Baby!
We've got ourselves a Gen-U-INE Werewolf Movie, Peeps!

Oh well, let's get back to Washington, get to some parties, and start making faces!

Before long, we have this:

and this follows soon after:

thank god for this throughout on a regular basis:

And eventually I guess our friend Dean kills someone else. I say 'I guess' because we never actually see it; or the body- we just get to see Dean talking about it the next day:

Which is just as good, right?

And BTW, this movie is the kind that thinks it's funny to have the other actor in the scene say to Dean Stockwell, 'What's the pentagon got to do with this?" every time Dean mentions that he has a PENTRAGRAM on his body ever since he was attacked in Budapest.

It's just THAT good.

FINALLY, Werewolf Action via stop motion photography:

ONLY Dean Stockwell could still manage to make stupid faces through all that fur.

And then there's some political speeches n shit and some other political crap and even some bowling. Yep. Bowling.
Annnnnnnnnnnd then there's this scene:
I'll just let this one speak for itself.

I'll give the movie this: At least it had the original idea to go with a bona fide werewolf whisperer:

It's just so fucking surreal and randomly inserted in the movie - the scene lasts less than five minutes and features Stockwell literally licking and sniffing Mr. White Coat like a dog.
Best line of the movie delivered by the little man in the white coat-
"Are you REAL? Are you REALLY REAL??'

then we get Dean changing into a werewolf with the President yelling things at him like 'Heel!' 'Sit!" and the classic "Down, Boy!'

so wish I was kidding right now.......

I'd fill you in on more of the actual plot, but I'm not sure that there's much more to this movie than what I've showed you. And I say I'm not sure there is because I can't make myself care enough to go back and try to figure out if there was. I'll be honest, I took a couple of five to ten minute snoozes during this crap-fest and I couldn't even be bothered to rewind.

However, I didn't fall asleep for any time that Elvira was on screen. And I can't bitch too much, because somehow Elvira managed to more than make up for the previous hour and a half of awfulness:

You're welcome,
Mother Firefly

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