Mother F Needs A Break

It's only week four of this term and I'm already burnt out! If my informal survey of the rest of the class is accurate, we're all burnt out. We've been going more than full time for the last year.....and I fer one am tired!

So I reviewed my clinical materials for tomorrow while a very uplifting and morale raising film played in the background.



did I mention it was morale raising?

Uplifting?








Consider my morale raised AND uplifted.



Never fear my loves, I'll be back bloggin' again
shortly.

Now hand me that pomegranate martini and move away from in front of my television.

Mother F has to focus and concentrate to make sure I get every LAST NUANCE out of this fine piece of film.



Love and tight t-shirts,
Mother Firefly

Crocs

Just wanted to let everyone know that the Crocs outlet is a great place to go if you wear a very small size, or a very large one.

For those of us in between, ferget it. Not much to be found there.
DISAPPOINTED!
(said in Adam Sandler voice)

Until this weekend when I'll be back with a movie review for yet another movie you'll probably never want to see-

Love,
Mother Firefly

Grrrrrrrrrrr.................

Nursing school. The first semester kicked my ass. I never EVER cried over an assignment until that first semester. When the second semester started, I felt better - not great-but better.

There was, however, that first day of clinical when I was in my stupid white nursing uniform and actually thought (I kid you not) maybe I'll get hit by a bus before next Friday comes and I'll be dead and I won't have to come back here.


But as you have probably surmised, I did not get hit by a bus, I did go back, and I survived. For the most part, I have learned to live with the stress, the constant homework, and the lack of time to do most things I enjoy. Like the freedom to nap on the couch without a to-do list and planner laying next to me.




But then it seems just when I am feeling good, like I can do this, I'm capable, and I can handle it- the powers that be always seem to throw me a curve ball.
This time it was a packet of papers in the mail- papers exactly like what we filled out a year ago before we started our first clinicals. Proof of recent physical, immunizations, background check, things you would expect.


The FIRST time they did this, they ended up sending us multiple forms that all asked for the same things but in different ways. So I went to the office (thinking that nursing students start clinicals EVERY semester and this is paperwork they collect CONSTANTLY and they'll know which ones I should take to the health center to get filled out.

Ha. Ha.

Nobody knew what I was talking about.
Nobody knew what paperwork I should have the health center fill out.
Nobody knew what would be acceptable as far as proof that I'd had my immunizations.
It was amazing for a nursing school that has been around for 30 years? 40 years? that I felt like I was the first nursing student they'd ever had.


Anyway.....cut to this week and this form letter with a list of things I need to provide before my graduate clinicals start. The same EXACT things I provided less than a year ago. Also with a note on the bottom to check with the office if you've been a student in the last TEN YEARS because they may have health info on file.

So, I'm thinking, well, sure they do. I just gave it to them and they need to have that available as I'M CURRENTLY IN A CLINICAL AS WE SPEAK and they need to be able to tell my clinical site, yes, she has her immunizations, and her TB test, etc.

Important information you would think that the people who run this office would know how to locate if asked to do so.

You would think.

I made the mistake of doing EXACTLY what the paperwork said and went to find out what they 'had on file' , thinking well, everything.

'I don't know', 'What letter', 'Who wrote it?' and 'Can I see it?'



Then they decided that yes, I had to turn it in again.
I had my health folder with me with all my proof of every time they stuck a needle in me. I told them they could make copies. Again. Which they did and then told me that they should get the originals.

Uh, sure, so you can take just as good of care of them as you did the FRIGGING COPIES I GAVE YOU LESS THAN A YEAR AGO.




I told them that they could keep the copies and that I wasn't giving up my originals.








I then went upstairs to write the person in charge that they also tried to get me to talk to, who they said wasn't in. I was so angry and and so frustrated that my first attempt was probably going to get me kicked out of nursing school, so I scrapped it. Went out and had a cigarette, calmed down- but ultimately decided that I wasn't ready to write this email and decided to call the health center and make appointments to get a new physical and TB test instead.

Later one of my colleagues tried a different approach after I related my story- and called the person we were referred to- who finally came to the conclusion that we only need to repeat the TB test because that needs to be updated once a year.

Which is FRIGGIN FINE. JUST TELL ME WHAT THE GODDAMN RULES AND REGULATIONS ARE AND I'LL FOLLOW THEM. DON'T SIT HERE AND GUESS AND TELL ME JUST TO GET 'EVERYTHING' BECAUSE YOU'RE EITHER TOO DUMB OR LAZY TO GET ME A REASONABLE ANSWER THAT MAKES SENSE.




On to better news:

1) I am going to the Crocs! outlet store in just two days;

and

2) I heart my Neti Pot. I said I heart it. I have been successfully breathing out of my nose ever since I got it. After literally months of not being able to.
Another fun bonus is that I get headaches when the weather changes- especially in the spring-when we go from cool days to warm, sunny ones. We had two days like that in the last two weeks when it cooled down and then suddenly warmed back up. Headache all day. Until I did the NP. Headache instantly gone. and the last one I had taken ibuprofen earlier in the day which did nothing but dull it a little.
Go, Sinus Irrigation!

Eatin' and Killin'

It's almost 3 am late Saturday night.....or very early Sunday morning....call it what you will...as I start to write this. I have been working diligently since my last blog on nursing school assignments....doing double duty and working ahead, since I will going away next weekend.



I will be stopping at the Crocs outlet store (!) and then on to Madison with Papa Cash to hang out, do some shopping, and then head to the farmer's market at the capitol where it will undoubtedly rain....as it does everytime I go.

I could head to bed, or I could do even more homework, or I could ponder why one of my cats is standing on the table on his back legs and howling at the clock on the wall..or whatever it is he sees up there. I could even tell you about the cute film I watched tonight with Papa Cash, Miss Pettigrew Lives for A Day.


I could do any of those things.
But what I really WANT to do is put on a facial mask and soak my feet kick back and bask in the glory of...




CRAZY. FAT. ETHEL.
so I slapped on my cucumber balancing mask and then I slapped in my new ONE DOLLAR AND THIRTY ONE CENTS dvd trilogy. Scrolling through the dvd screens I suddenly discover that all these films were made by a gentleman named Nick Phillips. Seems as though I just bought the Nick Phillips collection and didn't even know it.


Well, Howdeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Learn somethin' new every day.




So the movie begins with a woman in a mental institution.....she is being held down for an injection.....I guess this is where the 'CRAZY' part comes in. Then they give her some shock treatments....dang, she must be crazy! Then the doctor discharges Ethel to her grandmother, explains she needs to keep having shock treatments, and that she needs to lose weight to cut down on the strain on her heart....because she's, you know, FAT.

So Ethel gets home and commences to eat. And eat. And eat some more. You know, because she's Crazy. And Fat.


Then Grandma decides it's time to lay down the law and locks up all the food. Ethel doesn't take this news real well.

Bye, Grandma.

Then it's time to drag the body upstairs, raid her money supply, and call to order groceries.


I'm not kidding.




Watching all this food consumption makes me think of another horror movie about uncontrolled eating.

Death Bed. The Bed That Eats.

but we'll save that story for another day, because it's TOO precious to share space with another movie.




Ethel doesn't have enough money to pay the grocery delivery boy, so she has to kill him and put him upstairs in the bedroom with Grandma.
Then she can do what she loves best.

Pretty soon her sister comes to live with her, and then sister's slimy BF, and eventually everyone starts noticing there's an awfully bad smell coming from Grandma's bedroom...who's supposedly gone visiting a friend.

Well, it doesn't take a genius to figure out whoever gets in the way of Ethel eating....will be at the business end of her hatchet before long.

And so the movie goes for a whole 70 minutes. Anytime a movie is 85 minutes or less, it's automatically bumped up a notch in my book.

I told Papa Cash once that I'd almost like to be President of the US just so I could make a law that all movies must be 85 minutes or less. (I have trouble sitting still for longer than that). Anyway, Papa Cash said if I did that, he'd make a three hour movie just to piss me off. I said I'd put him in jail for breaking my law. He said he'd turn it into a three hour documentary about how I jailed him for making a movie too long.......



And that is only part of the story about how Papa Cash is trying to drive me slowly insane.




Anyway.....for some closing thoughts about Ethel.....it was certainly the kind of thing I enjoy spending my Saturday night/Sunday morning watching, and it was worth its whole 1/3rd of $1.31. And if you ever find yourself pondering, 'I wonder how much eating and killing can happen in one movie?' Then by all means, check it out. You can even borrow mine, since Crazy Fat Ethel hasn't signed it. Well, not yet, anyway.

So to my friends and family who are actually taking precious moments out of their busy lives to read this blog-I hope I'm not driving you crazy with my reviews of bad and obscure movies that you never really wanted to see anyway. But nursing school is hard work, dudes, and I don't have a lot of opportunity or funds, for that matter, to escape due dates or reading assignments or clinicals.....so when I'm able to say, hey, I did enough work for the day....and want to watch a film......I want something that totally takes me out of my reality and also makes me feel warm and cozy inside. I suppose if I were a different person I might watch things like Pretty Woman, or When Harry Met Sally, and things like that. But love stories bore me and make me cranky.I need dark, scary, and creepy to make me feel like everything is all right in my world.



Probably some day soon I will write about how this horror movie craziness began for me- and then maybe some of you will understand why I am like this-and you still won't care about bad movies-but you'll see why cheesy scary music and monsters make me feel all warm and happy...and why Lily Munster was the TV mom I loved, not that dumb ass Carol Brady.


It's late and I need to rest....so i can get up and commence to the homeworkin' once again.
Love and Creepiness,
Mother Firefly

I love you, Herschell G.

As a lifelong horror movie fan, I have many favorite directors in the genre. George Romero is high on my list -having directed my favorite movie of all time, Dawn of the Dead. Other favorites include Dario Argento, David Cronenberg, Ted V.Mikels, Tod Browning, William Castle, Roger Corman.....we could be here all day. As much as I love the work of all these men- there is one and ONLY one whose name makes my little black heart swell with love and fondness-the only one who I could not only do a entire weekend marathon of all his films, but I'd listen to all the commentary tracks too- and I'd be ready to do the whole thing over the next weekend.

Herschell. Gordon. Lewis.
aka The Godfather of Gore. I actually find it hard to put into words to explain how much I love this man and his films. I know that my commentary tends to be of the sarcastic variety, but make no mistake that I am not even coming CLOSE to joking when I tell you that I have loved and worshipped this man and his work for well over half my life. I've decided that every once in a while, I'll dedicate a page of my blog to a different HG Lewis film. Because I can, and I want to. And who knows, maybe I'll make him a couple of new fans along the way.


Perhaps I should begin with telling you about how we met.Back in the VHS craziness days (which I kind of eluded to in my post about the Gates of Hell) my mother opened a video store. In order to increase inventory without actually spending money, my mom traded videos with another video store owner in another town. We'd take her 10 or 20 movies, and then take 10 or 20 movies from her store. I probably don't even have to ask you to guess what section I always made selections from.

One lucky day, we chose a video called Terror on Tape.


The way I remember the 'story' is that a man goes into a video store and asks for a scary movie. The clerk, played by Cameron Mitchell, proceeds to show him clip after clip of the bloodiest, most disturbing things he has in the store. All I remember about the customer is that he gets more and more scared, and his hair starts turning white. Not only were these clips gory, they were from some of the most low budget offbeat films I'd ever heard of. My favorite parts were the clips from two movies called Bloodfeast and Two Thousand Maniacs. The best part was that this video store that we borrowed from happened to have both.



Two Thousand Maniacs was the first film I ever saw by H.G. It's low budget to be sure, cheesy, but I LOVED it. It had this certain 'look' that I loved - and one that I have loved in every one of his films I have seen after. Love him or hate him- H.G. gots himself a STYLE.

This is the first ten minutes of 'The Incredibly Strange Film Show', a TV show I discovered in college (the first time) and watched every week. This particular show features H.G., and if you watch through the first two minutes and 15 seconds, you'll see three people talk briefly about H.G., (including John Waters, and in my book, if John Waters speaks well about you, that's a ringing endorsement) and then you'll see a brief scene-not gory- where a woman apparently discovers something off camera that horrifies her. If her reaction (and the reactions of the women around her) make you laugh hysterically like me, then maybe you're a closet fan of the H. to the G. to the Lewis.






Back to Two Thousand Maniacs.....
The basic plot to this movie is that every 100 years a small southern town rises from the grave and gets to kill 6 unsuspecting northerners that they trap while riding through their town. Two of the people are played by Connie Mason and William Kerwin (who apparently has had car trouble and Connie has offered him a ride to the next town) and two other couples who have managed to get trapped in the town.


Of course, not all the couples are going to get to leave the centennial party. One lucky girl <------ gets her arms cut off and then cooked as barbeque. One of my favorite parts comes after they've cooked her over the fire and then chowed down....then taken her drunken husband (who presumably chowed down on wifey bbq) out to be drawn and quartered.....good old fashioned Southern fun! For some reason, watching the guy get ripped apart gives the townfolk second thoughts....for a minute they seem solemn and possibly questioning their fun and games...when one of the hillbillies starts yelling, Let's hear some music! You know what happens to anyone who backs out!"
(Actually we don't, but plot points, schmlot points)
Quietly, the band begins to slowly play Dixie.....and soon the whole town is joining in, clapping hands, smiling....ah yes....the mood is renewed and we're ready to get back to killin' ....I won't say anything else about how or what happens to the rest of our friends.....

I'll leave that in case of the very small chance I've inspired you to go watch this film.


In case you're curious, here's the trailer.





BTW, if I've made you want to actually see the film, you can't borrow mine. Sorry. That's because it's autographed by the man himself and it rarely leaves its protective plastic wrapper, let alone my home. Yes, I met H.G. Lewis. He did not disappoint. He was kind, gracious, polite....a gentleman in every way. I even got to pose with him, and as my friend and I came behind the table to stand for the photo, he said, "Let me stand between the two lovelies." Sigh.

A couple years later I was reminiscing about this historical meeting and surfing H.G's official website. I discovered his email address and decided to take a chance and send him an email. I mentioned the meeting and how wonderful he was to me. I was also in the middle of watching my new set of H.G. films and mentioned how much I loved She-Devils on Wheels, a film I knew to be among his personal favorites. I never believed I'd get a response, let alone the one I got:

What a sweet note!

I hope our paths cross again. You made my day.

Regards,
Herschell

I hope so too, Herschell. I hope so too.

Love, Mother Firefly

A Glimpse of Things to Come

Well, I went to Big Lots and looked for Coffy and Foxy Brown....they had 3.00 DVDs but sadly, not these two.

So I put them on my Deep Discount DVD Wishlist (for 5.99) and I will wait for the next 20% off sale. Because I am a student.

But have no fear- I have found other cheap cinematic wonders to waste my upcoming free time with. Because, you know, I have so much of it.

Look what One Dollar and Thirty-One Cents can buy you. I know. You are jealous.

However hard it may be to believe, I actually did NOT go searching for a double feature DVD of Satan's Black Wedding and Criminally Insane. No.

What I did go looking for, however, was this precious gem.

Okay, what I REALLY wanted
was Crazy Fat Ethel Part One.
But YOU try finding an image
of that movie poster on Google.






Apparently, Crazy Fat Ethel was renamed 'Criminally Insane' at some point. From what I know about these films, Crazy Fat Ethel was probably a more appropriate title. but we shall find out. Oh yes, whaaaahahahahahaha, yes we shall.









This DVD that costs ONE DOLLAR AND THIRTY TWO I MEAN THIRTY ONE CENTS not ONLY comes with Fat Ethel I and Fat Ethel II, it also features Satan's Black Wedding. I know zero about this movie. I googled images from this cinematic masterpiece and came up with this:

Now:
If you are a movie :
1) From the 70's;
2) have the words 'Satan' and 'Wedding' in your title;
3) <---- this is what comes up when I google your images AND 4) You cost ONE DOLLAR AND THIRTY TWO CENTS
Then Oooh, holy mother of all bad movies,
Say no more, Sugar.
Just tell me who to make the check, ahem, I mean, tell me who to scrape the bottom of my purse out for.
AND I still get my sought after crazy fat lady on a killing spree movies.


Yes, you have permission to revel in my awesomeness now. Love and spare change,
Mother Firefly

Vacayshon is Ovah

Yes, I'm back at school this week. Four graduate classes and a clinical two days a week. The clinical ends halfway through the semester so we can study for the NCLEX. I should be taking that in early December.

Four graduate classes. After the last one ended today, my mantra became, 'Other students have done this....and I have seen them and they still have their sanity intact'. Most of the people in my program have elected to slow down and are taking one less class- which is definitely one of the more challenging classes we have. After today was over I kind of envied them- but I will envy them even less when I graduate a semester ahead of them.




But -the best news EVER came earlier in the week when I talked to my preceptor and found out I can wear street clothes to my clinical. No more stupid student nurse uniform.
Everyone say it with me:




- NO! MORE! WHITE! NURSING! UNIFORM! EVAH!











Well, I'm done for the night. I need to get up early and run errands tomorrow.
I need to locate my new clinical and shop for some new clothes.....

And I've heard a rumor that one can find classics such as Foxy Brown and Coffy at Big Lots for the low low price of 3.99. If I'm so lucky as to find these Pam Grier classics, I'll do a review of Coffy-my favorite movie nurse of all time. You know you're dying for it.

-Mother Firefly

Year of Free Movies, Part 2

Since my last free movie update, we have seen:

Tropic Thunder
Batman:The Dark Night
Vicky Christina Barcelona

I already made a comment about Tropic Thunder on my brother's blog, and I thought Batman was great. Christian Bale=Best Batman Ever.

Vicky Christina Barcelona is the latest Woody Allen movie and the third to star Scarlett Johansen. It also stars Javier Bardem and Penelope Cruz. It was a fun movie, my favorite by Woody Allen in a long time. It was also the first time I saw Mr. Bardem in a movie where he was not paralyzed or had a funny haircut. Unfortunately this is NOT the film from whence the nekkid pictures came. (Darn).

but let us pause for a moment and remember that fated recent day that is filled with happy warm memories....a day we will no doubt go back to again and again (and google to our heart's content)
NAKED JAVIER BARDEM DAY

-Mother Firefly

Memories

Once, many, many years ago, I had a Halloween Party. I don't know how old i was but I'm pretty sure we watched Sixteen Candles that night. And i'm also pretty sure that sixteen was still a couple of years away.

I can't say why we watched Sixteen Candles..but if memory serves, it's because the previous movie fucked us up so much that we NEEDED Molly Ringwald and her petty sweet sixteen concerns to take us away from what we'd just experienced. I say petty because we'd just witnessed the gates of hell opening and unleashing images that would be seared on my brain forever. Whatever poor Molly was going through seemed pleasant and a cake walk compared to what I'd just seen.

I had definitely seen my fair share of horror films at that point-I started my career early at the ripe age of 3 or 4. I started out with Universal and Hammer and all kinds of B horror films that were shown on Saturday afternoons. But I had only seen movies edited for television for many years. At some point my grandmother got ON television (an early cable service for those of you that remember) and I began to get exposed to uncut horror films. Friday the 13th, The Howling, My Bloody Valentine, and Happy Birthday to Me are some of the standouts from that period of time. My experience of horror films exploded, and most of these films scared me to death.

A few years later, VHS rental stores began popping up and I started to see more and more films on VHS, with one of my early rental favorites being Creepshow. My sister was my most favored horror movie partner, and we spent many late night weekends while she visited devouring such favorites as One Dark Night, Halloween I and II, the Amityville Horror series, and anything else we could get our hands on. One favorite activity was to watch Jaws late at night and then go swimming in the backyard pool. Even though the odds of a hungry great white lurking in our four foot deep pool were mightily low, there was always an adrenaline rush (tinged with paranoia) when we went out into the dark water after watching our favorite shark eat people.

So by this eventful night I'm refering to, I considered myself to be a seasoned horror vet. They still scared me but I loved pushing myself to watch and be terrified. I don't know if we owned or just rented a VCR for this evening, but it was still at the point where not everyone owned one, and it was kind of a treat for everyone to come over and watch movies on TV.

I don't know who to blame for the decision. I don't recall who picked it. I only remember the horror that continued to unfold....and unfold....in front of my eyes. If I ever find out that any of my girlfriends had to go to therapy because of that night, I wouldn't be surprised. I didn't even know I was about to see my first film of a genre that I would come to know and love even more in the years to come....the Italian Horror Film.

When I saw it, it was called The Gates of Hell. Directed by the great Lucio Fulci.
it started with a priest in a cemetery who hung himself. That was enough to scare me to begin with. Little did I know we had only BEGUN. Then there is a seance- and somehow, someway, this priest's hanging causes all kinds of bad-including the 'death' of a woman who goes into a trance at the seance. (She doesn't really die-watch the movie to see the freaky buried alive scene)

All I got from the plot was -priest hangs himself-bad shit happens. VERY bad shit. Things are breaking, fires are leaping up from nowhere, scary noises going on, all this was enough to freak me out. All I could figure out was this all involved Hell and the Gates leading to it.
People started becoming zombies. there were worms and maggots and all kinds of funky nasty, bloody, slimy, decomposing things.


Then....what I could have never imagined in my wildest horror movie imaginings happened.
It just happened...and happened....and we screamed and yelled but it just kept happening...and I couldn't keep my eyes off it.
A zombie approaches a car with a young man and woman in it- he looks at the woman and her eyes begin to bleed...bad enough but then she began to foam bloody foam at the mouth.....and THEN began to vomit up her intestines and stomach. it felt like it went on for an eternity. I couldn't believe that someone actually put this on film, and yes, I was watching it.
I can't prove this, but I bet you-we rewound it.

Oh-another fun fact-this is not just an empty fake head forced to spew intestines (although there is one shot which appears to be just that) it is, shot after shot, of the ACTUAL actress letting the viscera pour out of her mouth. (I've read they used pig intestines for the shot. Fun!)



So after we recovered from that, we were treated to yet another new type of imagery -behold


The drilling of the head. Now, I'm sure with all the slasher films I'd seen up to that point, I had seen SOME person's head impaled with SOME kind of power tool or fascimle thereof. But- and here's the HUGE difference-I had never seen the Italians impale SOME person's head with SOME kind of power tool. The citizens of Italy could make shirts- Impaling Heads With Power Tools-We Do It Better, Longer, and We'll Show You The Whole Damn Thing. Don't Worry, You Won't Miss a Bloody, Gory Minute. Ok, maybe they'd need to use the back of the shirt for that one.

My point is (and I've said this before) is that with most American horror (especially mainstream) you will see the implement, the stabbing motion, the cutaway, and then the implement pulling away. With the Italians, you see the implement, and the camera FOLLOWS the implement as it makes contact and impales the victim. You'll probably even see it twisted and poked around in there for good measure. (Herschell Gordon Lewis also did this, but I hadn't been introduced to that particular love of my life yet. )

so in this fun scene, you see it ALL. I'm only surprised that they didn't have the guy open his mouth and let the viewer watch the drill pass through the back of his mouth. I'm sure if they could have figured out a way to do this, they would have.

The end of the movie was confusing- after all we'd been through, we really needed closure. But it was not to be found.

I recently bought this film. It's easily been fifteen years since I saw this film. I own most films that influenced me in childhood, so this omission was especially strange. It has to be because I was just the tiniest bit scared to witness this all again. But, because I have a fairly small collection of Italian's finest by Bava, Fulci, and Argento- this was a glaring omission that needed to be filled. And so it has.
I give you-The City of The Living Dead
I could research the difference in titles but I'm too lazy. One thing I do know is that many Italian films were for many years only available in heavily edited versions. I can attest that Gates of Hell was not edited for gore. I was hoping that maybe someone decided to cut out major plot points of the film I saw. No such luck. Even with age and a college degree on my side, the only plot synopsis I can offer still is: Priest Hangs Self. Bad shit Happens. and Happens. and Happens More.

But I faced my demons, I watched the maggots and the slime and the vomiting and the drilling scene by scene and didn't even blink. I found the film to be creepily charming in that Italian way. I loved the hokey music (GOD how I love cheesy horror movie music -it makes me feel all warm and toasty inside) and I'm glad I bought this film so I can watch it AGAIN. I enjoyed it and not just because of the nostalgia factor in revisiting this again.

I did some research on IMDB, mostly looking for pictures, and I found this gem. IMDB contains a parental warning on this movie, with a link you can click on. And nice old IMDB will tell you every reason a child shouldn't see this movie. Here is a portion of the list: (my comments are in red, the rest is copied directly from IMDB- and the typos are theirs, not mine)

We see a couple making out while in a parked car.
You're gonna wish all they did was make out.

Several mild refrences to sex and/or rape.

Some uses of the word "Sh*t" and other milder profanities.
I really HATE when people use the word 'Sh*t', it's soooooooooo offensive.

A man tends a bar. We never actually see anyone drink, but we see beer. There are also several refrences to being drunk.
No-not ACTUAL REFERENCES TO BEING DRUNK!!!!!!!!!!

There are quite a few "jump" scenes.
'Jump' scenes in a horror movie require a warning???? Aren't they pretty much considered part and parcel?

The scenes mentioned in the violence/gore catagory can be considered frightening.
haha

The gore in this movie is quite sickening and therefore disturbing.
HAHAHAHAHA

We see a man hang himself.

The movie has a dark, gothic tone.
Again-in a horror movie-how unusual.

A woman cries tears of blood before vomiting up her own intestines.
Wait, what???

A man is drilled through the head.

Several zombies are stabbed with weapons.

A man hangs himself.

what slays me about this list is they take the time to mention that people talk about drinking and they may even mention sex (and for God's sake, you might see an actual beer in the movie-although nobody will be drinking it), people will be saying the dreaded 'Sh*t' word, and then they just sliiiiiiiiiiiiiide in there that a woman will be vomiting up her entire digestive system. Then they just finish the list. Like, oh by the way, yeah, it's gothic, disturbing, you might jump, and then (with covered mouth) a woman vomits up her intestines. Don't you think they could have covered any and all parental warnings by just saying: "A woman will be vomiting up her intestines after crying tears of blood. No joke. It's pretty f**king nasty. If this doesn't sound like good cinematic fun to you, you might want to rent The Lion King 2. P.S. We're not kidding'

-Love and Pig Intestines,
Mother Firefly