Back to the 80's....Part 2

Well, the end of the semester is coming soon....and with that comes the craziness.
Since I won't have time to watch many movies in the next 3-4 weeks, I thought I needed to take time to recharge my batteries with some badness.....and what better than some badness from the 80's?

Sorority Babes in the Slime Bowl O'Rama!!!

(it also helps that it clocks in a crunched-for-time-friendly-80- minutes)

So we have a sorority.....and we have the babes. We have the Babes In the Sorority and of course, the Babes that Want to Be. Oh yeah and we have the trio of nerdy guys who want to watch this all go down. The nerds break into the house and of course they get caught. Soo-priize, soo-priize.

The big mean baddie in charge decides she won't call the police on the nerds IF they acompany the Babes on their last and final part of the initiation. Which is to....
Break into the bowling alley and steal a trophy.
Why, sure it is!

But the HBIC has other plans....they're going to beat them there, break in, and ...well, I guess I'm really not sure what they plan on doing....


Then Linnea Quigley shows up- turns out she's broken into the bowling alley too.... but she's only robbing the joint.

The trophies are especially important, they're more locked up than the cash register Linnea (whose name turns out to be Spider! yippee for the 80s) just busted into.....but she's nice enough to help them with that. Good thing they ran into a master thief up in this motha!

they drop the trophy and it springs a leak?Favorite Lines:
Spider: Holy Shit.
Nerd #1: UnHoly Shit.


It's a lil demon. And he sounds like Audrey II from Little Shop of Horrors.


Spider is less than impressed but the demon says his name is Impy and he will give them all a wish. Suddenly they're all claiming they broke it open and set him free. But Impy says no worries, they all get a wish!

Chubby goes first, and he wishes for gold- and gets it. Hmm. Seems easy enough.


The HBIC and her minions see this go down on camera and they say, No Fair! HBICs need wishes too!

Initiate #2 wishes to be Queen of the Prom. Really? That's the best you got?


Impy figures out that the HBIC and her minios are spying on them so he....turns two of them into monsters?

Wait, maybe this isn't all it's cracked up to be? Suddenly the gold is wood and the prom queens' dress in in tatters...and then the monster girls attack!
Leaving Spider to clean up the mess once again..

a good look at the killer makeup effects.....all four dollars and ninety-nine cents of them. I think someone rescued this from a trash can outside the set of Ghoulies.

Yep. she looks like the Bride of Frankenstein. For absolutely no good reason.

Oh yeah, and Impy just kind of sits there while the 'monsters' he created run around and do his dirty work. Although he does yell out things like 'GUTTER BALL!' and 'CRISPY CRITTERS!" when the monsters roll one of the dude's heads down the lane or cook someone in a fry vat.

Eventually everyone is either turned into a monster or dead, except for Spider and one of the Nerds. They end up finding the janitor who was locked in a closet for the first half of the movie (it's not worth explaining how that happened, trust me) and has apparently been sleeping through the second half. They explain their story to the janitor who just happens to know EXACTLY what they're talking about...
So apparently 30 years ago some guy used black magic to call up this Imp to be able to bowl better (!?!) and then lost control of it....but apparently they were able to trap him in the trophy, which took away his powers. Then they put him on the shelf.

Mm-Hmmm.

The janitor suggests a head lock, kicking him in the butt, and shoving him in the trophy.

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnd........a few monster fights and one car crash later, that's exactly what they do


and all ends well....

And....there we have it, a cheap chunk of 80s goodness all wrapped up. There's more to the story, most of which involves nudity that I'm not going to be posting here. And also, if you ever wondered just how long it takes to wash whipped cream off your boobs, you can watch this movie and see that it takes MUCH longer than you might have ever dreamed. Which I'm sure will turn out to be a good thing for some who want to see that.

I'm going to be pretty busy tying up all these loose ends in the next few weeks- so I don't expect I'll be doing any full movie reviews until the semester is over. I know, you're so sad, right? but I will do my Ghosthunters recaps and post smaller things as I can...
-Mother F

Where OH Where Have You Been? (And other Mysteries solved)

This week on Lost a character I have been missing FINALLY made an appearance.....
Whatcha think yer doing there, brothah?

...and also managed to answer some questions in the process.....
We learn Ben has an Achilles' heel when it comes to mothers....

Mere bullets can't stop a brothah and DO NOT mess with this man's family.....

This is how Ben got the crap beat out of him before getting on the plane....

......While also making some new ones....How'd he get rescued from this mess? And get the sling on his arm that he wore on the plane?


In any event......Oh Happy Day.....My Favorite Scotsman is BACK

I am a huge fan of the recaps they post on Entertainment Weekly- in addition to a weekly written recap, they also have a weekly post on theories on the show, and a weekly video blog. The blog by 'Doc' Jensen is REALLY indepth, but he does an amazing job of finding links to outside references and trivia that fit into the show - so much so that a good portion of it goes right over my head most weeks. I mention it now because they threw out the possible reason for Desmond's return to the island and it made a lot of sense to me.

Because, after all, we all know D's got to make it back to the island - but we haven't yet seen any kind of good reason for him to go back. But- what if he thought by going back he could get rid of Ben once and for all, and thereby ensuring the safety of his family? Makes sense to me and also is one of the only good reasons I could see him going back.

In any case- I think Penny and Desmond are the 'heart' of this show (although a case could be made for Sun and Jin as well) and I'm anxious to see why they need to return to the island and how their story is intertwined with the legacy of the island. I don't think it's for nothing that their story (while in terms of actual minutes spent on the show is small) is very powerful in terms of emotion.

A Plug

We now have FOUR contributors to Old Spooky House.......working on at least one more. Check it out!

Old Spooky House

Movies

Saw a few films on my week off- not as many as I'd hoped, but that's pretty much always the way. I did manage to see a couple of great ones and that helped take the sting off Godmonster....although I can't look at that post now and see that last picture at the end without that Goddamn song popping in my head...shakeitoff..shakeitoff....brhrhrrh!

Choke:
My brother recommended this a while ago and I'd been waiting to see it. I already anticipated a good movie but it was even better than I thought it would be. I love when I'm completely entertained from the first scene to the last. I never thought any of the scenes were too long or did I check the DVD counter, not once. And THAT is pretty much a rave review, coming from me. I'm a fidgety girl!

Turns out the part about choking to get love/money/attention from strangers was actually kind of sweet....and barely featured in the movie. But no matter- we have great acting, a story about friendship, and the Wonderful, Brilliant, and Still Gorgeous Angelica Huston. This woman can do no wrong in my eyes. I just adore her. She is one of the few actresses her age who has not had her face pulled, botoxed or otherwise rendered immobile or unrecognizable...so she can actually still ACT with it. Go ahead and check it out, then go watch those ho's on Desperate Housewives or somewhere where the plastic surgery quotient is high. See the difference. Be Amazed.

Note: Did you notice the 'best friend' in this film just turned up as one of the new castaways on Lost? Blink and you'll miss him on last week's ep, but he's there.



Let the Right One In
Wow did I heart the Sh*t out of this movie. Anticipated this one FOREVER too. It's a Swedish film about a little girl who just happens to be a vampire and her friendship with a little boy who happens to be the whipping post/bitch of his school and its bullies.
One thing that I think is really neat about this movie is that I think you can enjoy it on a few different levels and get totally different things out of it and still love it. For instance, I watched it with Papa Cash, who had read about it (it made a few critics' best film lists for last year) and wanted to see it also. Turned out at the end, we pretty much got entirely different things out of it and saw the movie in two completely different ways- and we both still LOVED it. So go figure.

He saw it as a movie about a friendship/love story between two kids who are both 'misfits' in their own way....I saw it from a more tragic/twisted 'The Hunger' point of view where this ancient immortal creature must continually ensure things are in place for her survival...namely food and 'protection' in the form of a devoted human to look after her. Add in there an elderly protector whose game is starting to falter- and I saw it as a tragic, romantic, cycle that must repeat (and probably has been repeating for centuries). But I don't think it will matter which point of view you take- and who knows, you may have a totally different one-if you love film and especially if you're ready for a whole new take on vampire films, this is one you have to check out.




Confessions of a Shopaholic:
It was St. Patrick's day. It was BEAUTIFUL spring weather. We went out to lunch- Indian- delicious. Why not go to a movie, and enjoy the last few weeks of my year of free movies? We had three choices - this, He's Just Not That Into You and The Reader. Wanted something 'light' so that eliminated Reader. Saw this over the other because Entertainment Weekly gave this an A- and that a C.

Bottom line- I thought Isla Fisher was great in Wedding Crashers but I didn't think she had much to do in this. It was predictable, not horrible, and just okay. If it shows up on a flight you're on, pay the five bucks, get the headphones, watch it. If if you want something light and meaningless, you could do worse.


I'm Not There:
Neither was I because I actually turned on my computer and played Peggle Nights after about twenty minutes of this baloney. Pffffffffffffffffft!

And one more note- I'm currently working on creating a new blog with my brother, called Old Spooky House. It will be dedicated to our mutual love of the paranormal and of course the Ghosthunters. So if you wonder why I'm not blogging about Season Five, it's because I'm spreading the J and G love over there. Check it out!

Love,
Mother Firefly

Tee Hee

"Satan's coming." (from CollegeHumor)

Spring Break

I am on Spring Break as of RIGHT THE HELLS NOW and I never needed it more.
Although 'Break' is a strong word....it's more about getting some things done and out of the way.

What I DO know is that I need to recharge before I start tackling all that. And what better way to recharge?

1. Pomegranate Martini
and yes, you guessed it-
2. A KILLER MUTANT SHEEP movie.

Let me present:
Godmonster of Indian Flats

Now. I only recommend this movie for the TRULY and I mean TRULY Brave of Heart. You need to do more than suspend disbelief to make it through this film.

What's needed to make it through this mess is more on par with taking your brains out of your head, microwaving them on HIGH for fifteen minutes, putting them back in, and then give it a shot.

Yeah. That might help dull some of the pain.

If it were that this were ONLY a little film about a mutant killer sheep, I would have never written the previous paragraph. If mutant killer sheep were the ONLY thing we needed to worry about in this film, but oh no.
No no no no, the wonderful people who made this movie decided to put in all kinds of random characters and plots that are WAY more convoluted than we need (and believe me, I left out about 3 or 4 stories going on in this film involving side characters).

So we start off with this dude seemingly catchin' a ride into town
in the back of a pickup....a pickup filled with....wait for it......SHEEP! Are they killer mutant sheep, you ask? No, these are just the regular kind. The regular kind that say Baa. But not like, real 'Baa'. More like you and me saying Baa, Baa over and over in different tones so that we sound like bad imitations of sheep. So you can see right away what kind of professionalism we're in store for. The filmmakers didn't want to rely on the sheep actually having to make noise. They went ahead and did it for them. Because they're just that good.


So our friend finds himself in Reno, Nevada, walks in to the first casino he sees, stops at a coin slot, and wins himself a fat two hundred bucks. Where then he promptly cashes out with the help of this saucy little minx:
I hate when Grandma tags along.....

Gotta love a man who knows when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em. Anyway, you think our plucky hero is about to leave the bar and go his happy way, when a bunch of partiers at the bar stop him and tell him he needs a drink. Then five seconds later the leader of the bunch, promises him 'banjo dust and starry eyed broads lookin for a good time' if they all go party somewhere. He also announces that his name is 'Elbow Johnson'. Everyone, including Grandma, thinks this is a swell idea. So, one creepy closeup later, they're on their way....


Well, he wasn't lying about the banjo dust......
And a whole minute later, one of the 'starry eyed' broads steals our hero's cash.... and then denies it. This turns into everyone at the bar turning on our friend, punching him, and kicking him out....but not before our hero declares,

My sheep are more civilized than you people!

Some nice man with a convertible who must also like sheep gives our hero a ride home. He introduces himself as a professor of archeology from 'Reno University'. He tells our hero that the people in the town love to 'work you kids over' and that he tries to discourage his students from visiting 'the bright lights and music' in town.

Let's take another look at those bright lights and music.......hahahahahaha........Resist if you can, kids!

We find out our hero's name is Eddie and he always wanted to go the University in Reno, but he ended up havin to take care of the sheep farm when his parents died. Anyway, Eddie is dropped off and immediately goes to hang out in the sheep pen for comfort.

Oh, my wonderful sheep.....wait, WHAAAAAAAT?Here you hold this sheep up, and I'll hold this one, and the sound guy can hold another one...trust me it'll be KILLAH.


The next day the Prof and some woman go to check on Eddie.....hmmmm, I wonder where he could be?

Could he be....underneath this PILE OF BLOODY SHEEP???
And what's THAT?????

Never fear, boys and girls, we have a Professor in our cast.
The professor immediately whips out his trust recorder and begins dictating about a live embryo fully formed and breathing...yadada...possibly chromosomic breakdown and fertilization....will transport to private lab...incubation machine....blah blah blah,....
Wait, what? Embryos? Fertilization?
Are we talking about....SHEEP RAPE???????

Oh, btw....we're a whole THIRTEEN minutes into this movie.

WTF? Who's this old dude with a spyglass? How MANY movies do we got going on in this picture, anyway?????


He is Charles Silverdale and he's bitching about tourists. And watching the whores fan themselves. No, I'm not being snarky. They really are whores with a real live madame.
Silverdale and the whores all notice the Professor driving by with Eddie 'heading out to Indian Flats'.

Okay, Okay....so Prof shows Eddie just WHY this embryo is so important...and how this discovery is so IMPORTANT FOR SCIENCE... Lookie at the fossil he found not far away!!!!



back to our other film....some dude, representing a guy called Wright, is offering Silverdale a lot of money to buy his property.....but Silverdale says no and gets back to his party. And then has a conversation with his henchman that makes it clear he has no intention of selling anything to this dude, not EVAH!!

Meanwhile, Silverdale's henchman is poking around the garbage dump looking to see what the Professor has thrown away lately. Huh? The garbage man informs him that the Prof threw away some 'funny lookin', funny smellin'" stuff recently. And the henchman is all, Aha! I knew he was up to no good up there! Well, of course, because the first thing that would make me suspicious is if someone's GARBAGE SMELLED BAD.

Then the Prof and the Assistant Mariposa go digging for bones in the mines. Prof finds something that causes Mariposa to react and start coughing and pass out....and we know it's bad because it also gives off smoke and makes a noise like a flying saucer. Professor gives a long speech that ends with the phrase ' the similarity between this and the Mine Monster Legend'. Oh, okay, well, that fits right in because....
THE MINE MONSTER LEGEND?????
(Makes note that we have 3 movies going on here)

Then we go back to movie #2....or whatever.....I'm losing track....but apparently the this dude who wants to buy property is still hanging around town. They have a shooting contest and somehow manage to convince the stranger that he shot some guy's dog.....but he really didn't because the dog is just playing dead....then they have a funeral for it and make the guy feel real bad about it.....and make everyone hate him.....so they won't sell him their mining stocks?


Go ahead. Take a moment to digest that.

Then it's back to the professor and the embryo watchin' gang.....because oh yea, I forgot this is a movie about a Killer Sheep! Anyway, we start to get SOME explanation about how this thing came, something involving compounds...and the mine....and prehistoric creatures...and compounds.....and the mine.....and Eddie's land....and compounds....coming up from the ground....and the sheep....and the compounds...and, oh, I don't know. AND I HAVE TWO COLLEGE DEGREES PEOPLE.

So then we go back to movie #2 and Henchman sets up Stranger Dude and makes it look like the Stranger Dude shot him. Which he didn't. But whatever.

Back to our sheep movie.....things are going haywire and snapping and exploding and the embryo is getting all upset. I could try to translate what the Prof gives as an explanation but you see how well that went in the last scene. You can also see our 'little' embryo is gettin' grown up!
There, there, little embryo dude.

So then Henchman rounds up a posse and yeah, you guessed it, they're going to give The Stranger a nice dose of vigilante justice.....but just in the nick of time the Madame saves him, and they take off to Indian Flats to get help from the Professor. And of course the posse follow and start dropping some kind of gas on the joint, which
MAKE MONSTER ANGRY.
GRRRRRRRRRR!

It busts out and and right away kills a member of the posse before running away into the desert. Professor explains to Silverdale and the rest of the posse that this is a SPECIAL CREATURE that may hold the answers to the evolution of life itself (?!?) and everyone decides to work together, gang! and find this thing, and Mariposa takes off running saying she's gonna find it first!

And she does.....
Thank god she's a licensed Mutant Sheep Whisperer.


But then Eddie shows up, freaks out, throws a rock, and Mutant Sheep runs away. Great.

Silverdale sets off alarms in the town, calls the monster a 'damaged mongoloid beast' but decides it could make a lot of money being on display in the museum.

Scene that needs no explanation....


Eventually they find the Mutant Sheep and take turns yelling 'yee-ha' and lassoing it


Then Silverdale drives the Stranger out of town, telling him that he went and bought the mining rights of everyone in the town himself.....and then went and sold them to the Stranger's boss, Mr. Wright, himself!
Which is exactly what the GUY WAS THERE TO DO IN THE FIRST PLACE.

oh.
my.
GOD.

Then Silverdale says they need to make a pit stop and gets out and announces to the crowd that the Monster is Captured! But they'll keep it out here away from town just to be safe..and lots of people will come to the town, bringing money...and oh yeah, those mining rights I just bought from you, I went ahead and sold them.

Crowd: WTF???

They start chanting and yelling and are all kinds of pissed off and then Silverdale must think this is the best time to unveil the creature....and everyone freaks out and starts screaming to KILL IT FOR GODS SAKE KILL IT



Then everything ends in gunfire and explosions and Silverdale laughing and yelling at the Stranger about violence and how he won and laughing like a crazy man....and I thank the Gods that this piece of crap is OVAH....

Oh wait, whoops, guess that's not REALLY the end....

so then I checked out the extras..Something Weird always provides the extras that you would never see if you hadn't watched their film...they have old health board films on rat and fly control..there's a really messed up video for an even more messed up song called 'You Cannot Fart Around With Love' featuring the dude who played the Professor doing what I like to call 'Maybe the Dumbest Dance I Have Ever Seen'

Seriously, this picture only barely grazes the stupidity.
I think I even had a nightmare about it last night.
For REAL.
Make it Stop,
Mother Firefly

Moooooooooovies

Just a short list of what I've seen lately:

Milk : A good film, well made, well acted.....I think it was an important film, and I'm glad someone made it. EXCELLENT, excellent work with 70's hair/makeup/clothes. All the same- Sean Penn did not break my heart the way Mickey Rourke did in The Wrestler. I'm still recovering from what he did to me in that movie. I'm glad I saw Milk, but The Wrestler I'll buy and watch over and over.....and let him break my heart all over again.I know it has f__k all to do with the movie, but how cute is that?????????????


Coraline: Missed the 3D version by ONE FREAKIN WEEK......thank you, stupid Jonas Brothers. Anyway, the 2D version is still wonderful....loved it. The place was filled with small children- who were talking and fidgety during the first hour - as one would suspect. Then the scary parts started. And suddenly all the talking and moving stopped. I saw several children sitting on their parents laps.
And then I realized how many nightmares were totally on their way that night.
Then I giggled.




How To Lose Friends and Alienate People :

Just before this semester started, I had two dreams.

Dream #1: Hot Sex With Antonio Banderas.
Apparently this whole dream had a backstory- I didn't actually dream it but in the dream, I'd apparently had a prior relationship with him where he cheated on me. In the dream we weren't back together- just getting together for sexy time.
I recall three very clear thoughts in that dream.
1. Damn, sex without commitment can be so much fun.
2. Again? Already?
3. I know he's a slut. I don't care.



Then two days later I had a dream I was engaged to Simon Pegg. (see, this does relate to the movie). He had a young female neighbor that had grown up next door to him and who always seemed to interrupt us at the most inopportune times. Well, in this dream, he had been out of town and I went to visit him. He took a shower and then this neighbor girl turned up. She was essentially harmless- it wasn't a sexual thing, she had just known him all of her life and was used to being able to walk in his house whenever she felt like it. Well, this particular day and time really rubbed me the wrong way, and I went OFF on this girl and told her to go home. As soon as I did it, I knew I'd fucked up...and then Simon Pegg and I got in a big fight and I ended up going home. I was at my apartment crying, sure my wedding was off, that he would never want me now, and kicking myself.
Then comes the knock at the door.
omg. It's Simon Pegg. With FLOWERS, no less. But I could tell he was still mad.
I started apologizing and he was saying that what I did was really not fair and completely mean to someone who didn't deserve it. And that I should apologize to her also.
In the end we got back together and he promised to talk to her about just walking in his house whenever she felt like it and I promised to be more understanding.
Yes, it was just that mushy.

I tell you about these dreams because they prove what I have believed for a long time.
When it comes to the sexy bad boys, go on and break yourself off a piece of that. But trouble is trouble is trouble.....so get it, love on it, let it go.

Sleep with the sexy.....but marry the funny.
Because sexy may fade - but funny lasts FOREVER.

Oh and watch the movie.



American Teen
I have been wanting to see this documentary for a while- it follows about five teenagers through their senior year at high school. The kids all fit some kind of stereotype - the jock, the popular girl, the nerd..you get the picture. It's the documentary version of John Hughes movies. I love documentaries, and this was a good one. But what floored me was the girl who was 'the rebel' in the film......listening to her was like being in a damn time machine. Her thoughts about her town and how she felt different and wanted to escape could have been taken from my life when i was that age. It was eerie- even down to her pet rat and her dream of going to film school in California. (Although she actually went). As the movie went on, I started to joke to Papa Cash that she was my daughter that I never had, that I gave up for adoption. He thought that was amusing until we watched some extras when she started talking about wanting to make zombie movies.
Then even he had to say holy shit. I started counting back eighteen years to see if I ever blacked out for nine months at a time.
So all I have to say is this:
You go, Baby Girl! Mommy loves you.
haha.
-Mother Firefly