Saturday, January 17, 2009

Gettin' Hammered

So my WinterIm class ended today, and I wanted to relax and enjoy what's left of my break, and what better way to do it?
You guessed it, with a marathon of vampire movies from the 1970's!

We'll start with a Hammer film, Scars of Dracula (1970), starring Christopher Lee.

The movie begins with a village finding a dead girl and they just know that Dracula is up to his old tricks. So the men get together and tell the women to go to the church, and go to the castle to kill Dracula.

Not even five minutes and we've already got villagers with torches......

They torch the castle and let it burn and for some reason spare Dracula's henchman. But when they return to the church, they find all is not well and all the women are dead.
Meanwhile, in another village, Simon and Sarah are celebrating her birthday. Nothing could spoil the happy day except.....where is that brother of Simon's at, Paul? Turns out he's in the bed of some nubile young chick and just now realizing he's late to the party.....just as he's leaving, nubile young chick's dad comes home and is none too happy to find Paul there....
Paul escapes and arrives at the partyto drop off his gift, a portrait of Sarah that he has taken. but just as he gives it to her, he decides it's not perfect and takes it back so he can fix it. Paul also has to be on the run as mad dad is still on his tail....Paul goes to the next village and ends up flirting with yet another young woman.....when her father interrupts them and tells him to leave. Paul figures that maybe the people in that castle over there will be friendlier, so he goes there.

Turns out some real nice people live there named Dracula and Tania. Wow, they seem really cool, and of course Paul can spend the night there. Paul can't believe his luck at finding such a nifty castle and nice people to stay with. He can't wait to tell his family and friends back home.
While Paul is settling in his room, Dracula takes a little.....restitution from Tania.Dracula and Tania sitting in a tree...............................
S - U-C- K - I - N- G!

Later, Tania shows up in Paul's room, telling him she is a prisoner and needs his help to escape....and then ten seconds later wants him to do the dirty with her. So which is it? Oh well, maybe there's time for both....

But like any good vampire woman, it turns out she only really wants one thing-

Evidently you don't cheat on Count D

Paul gets locked in his room and eventually escapes to another part of the castle...where he finds that his host is safely tucked away in his casket!

Dracula's henchman discovers Paul's picture of Sarah and decides she is one hot property.

Sarah and Simon get worried about what's happened to Paul and decide to go looking for him. Eventually angry people in the next town finally let them know that Paul went over to that big old castle....

Sarah is not feeling well when they make it to the castle, and Dracula is MORE than happy to set them up for the night. Although he denies that Paul ever made it there.

Just let me take your bags.

Simon is suspicious, Sarah wears a cross, and Dracula needs his henchman to remove it so he can get down to business. But henchman recognizes her as his crush from the photograph, and refuses to do it. Eventually Sarah and Simon escape, and finally get some answers from the local priest, who offers to keep Sarah safe while Simon goes off and kills that menace Dracula once and for all.

Simon goes back to the castle, finds Dracula and also his dead brother nailed up to a wall. At the same time, the priest is attacked, and Sarah runs off to the castle to find Simon. But Dracula finds her first, and pulls the ol' let me hypnotize you......but whoops, Sarah still has that pesky old cross around her neck.

We all run around the castle a lot, Dracula gets his pet bat to pull the cross off Sarah, Simon attempts to run a iron stake through Dracula's heart, which D just pulls right out....but as he starts to throw it back at Simon, lucky lightning strikes it, D catches on fire, and falls off the castle. Wow. How's that for serendipidty?
Don't worry....(because I know you are!) that my festival ended here.....I've got a few more bloodsucking hits from the 70's coming your way..........
Mother Firefly


Jumbo's Lezis said...

Sarah is pretty, does she get naked? Best call monster squad and add lightning through conductive metal and way to kill Dracula.

Mother Firefly said...

I guess Hammer killed Dracula so many times they started coming up with new ways to do it.

I have seen boobies in Hammer films (and even in one of the Dracula films, I think) but our friend Sarah does not show hers. Although like all the Hammer films, there is tons of cleavage, and you can find many shots of Sarah's silver cross nestled in her bosom.