Sunday, January 4, 2009
Sting Me, Baby
In one of my last posts for 2008, I reviewed the William Grefe classic 'Death Curse of Tartu'. I mentioned there was a second Grefe film, Sting of Death, also filmed in the Florida Everglades. I bought this DVD mostly for the first title, and didn't have any firm plans as to when I was going to enjoy the second. However, insomnia paved the way, and I ended up putting in Sting of Death a couple of nights ago.....and I can't tell you how overjoyed I was. Seriously. I had no idea I was in possession of such a precious piece of low budget bad horror movie heaven. It has so many things that I love, including:
1)a monster in a rubber suit
2) a monster in a rubber suit that SWIMS- which means...underwater photography!
3)60's hairstyles and swimsuits
4)some random point in the movie when a bunch of teenagers start dancing
I knew right away I would love this movie when the first shot is of the monster's hand grabbing TOOLS...to do what with, I don't know, but who cares!
Rarrrrrrrr.....this one thing just needs a slight adjustment...Rarrrrrrrrrrr
Then we see a bathing beauty laying out on a dock...who is soon to be the monster's first prey....and he drags her down into the water. She ends up being pretty disposable since she's only ever mentioned once and nobody really puts in a lot of effort to look for her.
Then a boat arrives on the same dock....a boat filled with young women. Two men are there to greet the women, Dr. Richardson and his assistant, John. One of the young women, Karen, is Dr. Richardson's daughter and she has apparently brought her friends for a visit while they're on break from school.
It's important to remember one's gloves when tooling around in the Everglades....
The group all sit down for some refreshing orangeade and introductions....we learn that the bathing beauty was probably a woman named Ruth who is another important member of the team studying sea life....but apparently not all that important as I've already stated....
I hate when I fall asleep with a Magic Marker in my hand...............
One of the girls is startled by a noise behind her...and thus we are introduced to Egon, the last member of the team, the 'creepy' one. We know he is the creepy one because John announces that Egon has a habit of 'sneaking up on people'.....and he has one weird half closed eye....
and in true Grefe fashion, Dr. Richardson admonishes Egon by telling him, 'You shouldn't have SNEAKED up on her like that, Egon!'
Yes, my friends, this is a Grefe movie, and once again, that is not a typo.
Darrrr derp derp........Hi Ladeeessssssssss.....da derp derp
John also informs the girls that he has invited a bunch of biology students over for a welcoming party and they will be here in fifteen minutes! The girls freak out and hurry to get ready. You know how those crazy bio students are.......
Meanwhile, the sheriff rides up in his boat with a body he has found and wants Dr. R to check out....they just can't figure out what could have caused these wounds!
Dr. R and John agree that the wounds look like they were caused from Portugese Man of War - but that the stings are too large. But Egon insists that Man of War CAN get that big! Dr. R and John brush him off....silly Egon, he's always saying crazy things!
Da derp....Yes they can Dr. R!......No they can't Egon........DA DERRRRRP YES DEY CAN DERP DERP........YOUSE GUYS NEVER LISTEN....DERP DERP
Dr. R takes off to check the hatcheries, as the wild Bio students are coming, and Dad can't handle these newfangled dances! John goes to fetch some ice, Karen plays with the radio, and Egon does some more 'Sneaked around' on Karen...
We find out that Egon is
1)Crushing on Karen
2)Wants Dr. R to fire John and become Dr. R's right hand man, and
3) is doing his own experimenting out at the swamp...DERP DERP
but we have no time to ponder this as the party boat full of Biology students is here! YES!!!
The boat contains a few familiar faces, as it is apparently carrying about half the cast from 'Tartu'! The party boat barely unloads as all of the guests break into spontaneous dancing on the deck....
Dig those crazee DWUMS.......they make me wanna DANCE!!!
Egon watches from a distance, smiling and getting into the spirit of things until one of the guests sees him and gets the whole group to chase Egon, circle him, point and laugh at him....
Get away from me or I'll SNEAKED up on you!!!!!!!
Karen yells at them to stop and leave Egon alone....and the group breaks up to go drink, eat, and do some more stupid dancing. John apologizes to Karen for the group's behavior, and comforts her by making out with her.
Meanwhile, something is sneaking into the pool....
They'll never notice me in here!!!!
Everyone goes out side to listen to a dumb song by Neil Sedaka called 'The Jellyfish' and do the dance that goes along with it.
Do the jella.....the jilla-jalla jella......it's really swella...to do the jalla jellyfish..
Monkey, don't be a donkey...It isn't funky or anything that's junky........
It's something swella..............The jilla-jalla jellyfish...........
One of the girls decides to go for a much needed dip in the pool after all that crazy dancin'! Apparently HUGE Jellyfish monsters do a pretty good job of blending into a clean pool in the bright sunlight....
Jellyfish Monster also attacks one of the guys on its way out....and Dr. R decide to treat the girl at the house, but that the new guests should take their friend to the hospital by way of party boat.
A fine idea until the boat is attacked by what appears to be inflated shower caps floating on the water.....er, I mean JELLYFISH.... it's kind of akin to draping yourself with a sheet and running around your house pretending to be a ghost.....except that might be oh, about a HUNDRED times scarier than this mess:
wooooooo.....we're skerrreeeeee jelllyfish....woooooooooooo
Of course the Jellyfish capsize the boat (as they are wont to do) and attack the party people one after another....leaving no survivors!
Halp! there's a skereee jellyfish shower cap on my head!!!!! HAAAAAAAALP!!!!
Jellyfish Carnage....It isn't pretty, folks.
Then we see Jellyfish Man arriving at his lair...and after some staggering around, smoke, and equipment flashing, we discover that Jellyfish Man is actually.....EGON!!
The next day, Dr. R. John, and a couple of women who want to go SIGHTSEEING... (for real? are you kidding me?) head down to check the jellyfish traps or whatever.. and try to locate Egon in the process. Dr. R. puts on his sexy stripey shorts and off they go....
Serious business calls for SERIOUSLY tight shorts!
The remaining women aren't going to last long with a Killer Jellyfish Man on the loose!
Well, eventually Dr. R and John make the mistake of asking Egon to watch over Karen....and you can guess what happens next.
Egon kidnaps her to take her to his SECRET Jellyfish Man lair. When Karen rejects his advances, Egon figures out that NOBODY likes him.....well, nobody except the jellyfish, that is....
With nothing left to lose, Egon lays out his evil plan for Karen and what he's been up to, hiding down here, growing big old jellyfish and apparently learning how to morph into one himself.
BIG SKEERY DA DERP DERPY JELLYFISH MAN HEAD GUY!!!!!
But our heroes Dr. R and John have followed Egon to his lair, and John breaks in with a lit flare for a weapon....and pretty soon we have a showdown between John, Jellyfish Man, and flare...
JM and John tussle, and the flare falls into the tank with the big jellyfish....which starts off some kind of something that ends with JM falling down and then his big old Jellyfish head melts? breaks open? I'm kind of lost at this point....
And now melted jelly head Egon warns them to get out before the whole place goes up, because of course it would all blow up now.....because........oh who are we kidding, NOBODY knows why.
The pair narrowly escape as the secret Jellyfish Lair goes bye-bye and Dad is waiting to haul them to safety....
and now pretty much everyone in the dang movie is dead but hey, at least it was a laugh riot getting to this point!
I love to poke fun at movies like this, but seriously, this movie has EVERYTHING that I love about a 'bad' movie. I call a movie like this 'bad' affectionately, because actually it's just about damn perfect in my book. A really BAD movie to me would be something like Pretty Woman. Or that one movie where Tom Hanks meets some chick in some building outside. Or any movie with Tom Hanks in it, for that matter. Or Tom Cruise.
Love and Jellyfish,