Or it's time for you to think I'M weird....because this review is part one of two - for a total of FOUR..yes, count them, FOUR....movies that feature monsters.....and naked wimmens.
I really have no good reason (or excuse) to sit through FOUR movies this goofy. But something about the combination of badly made monsters created only so that the filmmaker could throw some topless women in the storyline is amusing to me. And believe me, using the words 'storyline' or 'plot' anywhere NEAR these movies is realllllllllllllly stretching it.
Let us begin:
These fine films come to us courtesy of Something Weird Video - which I was first exposed to through the AWESOME tv show, Reel Wild Cinema, hosted by Sandra Bernhard.
Remember it? Well, hold on to your memories because I came up with zero when I tried to find anything on this great show.
SWV is the distributor of Herschell Gordon Lewis' films (BIG round of applause!!) as well as many other kinds of films. In short, SWV is the keeper of the flame for all kinds of movies that might have been forgotten or lost otherwise. And like them or hate them - I think it's important to preserve our film history - even if said history involves a man in a monkey suit and boobies.
As does,coincidentally enough, our first offering:
The Beast that Killed Women.
I'll give them this much - the filmmakers adhered to the slogan 'truth in advertising'. We do have a Beast - and he does Kill him some Women.
We have a crazy gorilla on the loose in a nudist camp(why? how? Pffft, such questions!!!) Because we're going to spend sixty minutes watching topless women sit around and talk about how scared they are. Not scared enough to put their clothes back on and leave the nudist camp, mind you......just freaked out enough to sit around in their underwear and talk about it. When they're not outside doing nudist activities, that is. Because heaven knows, when you have a killer gorilla knocking your fellow campers off left and right, you need lots and lots of ACTIVITIES.
With your top off.
Don't look at the camera Don't look at the camera.....never mind........
Going on to our second feature:
The Monster of Camp Sunshine:
In this movie, we have two roomies: a nurse and a model. The nurse is a nudist (hey, aren't we all?) and she's all about convincing her model friend about the wonderful world of the nudist camp.
Big surprise....she's successful. Then it's time for a drive up to the nudist camp - and lots of ragtime music while people take their clothes off, smoke, and run around naked....and smoke..Did I mention the smokin'?
The girls must have run out of cigarettes because eventually they leave the camp and go back to the city. There's some plot to do with something about something with rats and experiments ...which the nurse works with.....and that makes sense because......
IT FREAKIN' DOESN'T.
But somehow the rats get all crazed and stuff with some experiment gone bad....and they get disposed of in the river....which a fisherman picks up....then loses near the infamous Camp Sunshine...which Hugo finds and opens up .....which causes this chick to get this look on her face...while Hugo starts barking.
And while all the screaming and the barking is going on at Camp Sunshine, our model friend decides that being naked is all the rage, and decides to further her career by modeling a topless bathing suit.
Uh - ain't that called yer UNDERPANTS??????
Then it's the weekend! Time to head back to Camp - things don't appear right - people appear to be missing - but who cares, as long as we can get naked and smoke to bad banjo music, life is good!
I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.
So the caretaker is now some kind of axe carrying mutated monster-person,
and somehow naked nurse (we are pretty smart, after all) connects the dots in like two seconds, and then the doctor brings a serum he's just amazingly concocted, like ten minutes before the nurse called - and then, of course, the army gets called in....WTF???
I shit you not, this scene is actually in this movie.
So of course the monster gets taken down, but we have no time for sadness, folks, as the show must go on, as the movie says.
Seriously, the movie really does say this.
Did I mention that the movie is filled with silent movie cards like this? Or a full-on rats-flying-through-the-air-attack? Or horrible, I mean HORRIBLE dubbing? But I'll give the movie one thing, it manages to end on the important stuff:Smoke 'em if you got 'em,
3 hours ago